Stop humblebragging.

Hi I'm here to gloat, not whine. Got married in Vegas with a package deal at a hotel chapel followed by dinner at a restaurant for close relatives and friends (about 30 people), wearing a dress from the internet, total cost about $5,000. Maybe a little more expensive than City Hall and a BBQ but it was so much fun,…

I did both and neither worked out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ditch the stupid favors, anyway. We didn't bother with them, and I can't remember what any of the ones I've ever gotten at a wedding were. That's how special they were.

Bullshit. It only costs that much if YOU let it get out of control! No one puts a gun to your head and makes you get a huge venue or invite a lot of people.

I misread it as Robin Thicke and thought "Ben, huh? Well good on him for finally figuring it out."

Actually, I take it back. Fuck Madonna.

Say what you will about Madonna being an insufferable attention-hungry inconsiderate and self obsessed moron, bitch is living her best life.

I remember this happening with SAE way back in the 1970's. I suppose we could blame The Sugarhill Gang though.

Mark, if you DON'T want a cross-stitch version of this to give to Allen as the birthday gift he never knew he needed, the time to speak up is NOW

Well that's your opinion. I like body hair.

OMG SO MUCH WIN

The day I suck a man's dick for any other reason than because I goddamn felt like it is the day every single one of you needs to put a fucking bullet in my head.

Amber Rose remains one of my top workout inspirations regardless of the fact that I will actually never look like her no matter how hard I work out.

But seriously, which one looks better?

Still would.

I once made a girl cry because she got breathe tattooed on the inside of her wrist and I said, "so, you have the same tattoo as Lindsay Lohan?" and it turned out she had gotten it as a tribute for someone who had died of what I can only assume was an asthma attack because why the fuck else would you get that tattoo.

Why do people have to be "the black" anything or "the female" anything as if being white or male is the default of greatness? Kanye is Kanye and he's [musically] great on his own.