Oh jeez, now I'm having unfortunate flashbacks to pussy pump porn... oh the engorgement...

I was hoping for so much more based on the headline. You're right that the "fundamental values" that he lists are all in relation to the supposedly wondrous things men have done/are doing.

I know Moynihan is not popular, but I always have a good feeling for him. Him playing Snooki was GOLD.

She is good. I also think Cecily Strong is great.

I actually kind of like my voice, both in my head and on recordings. I've been told it's got a certain "texture". Not quite deep, but a little bit raspy, I guess.

YES!!! I took the same one fifteen years ago and I couldn't remember for anything what the other word was.

So many favorites! Clandestine, anarchy, and cacophony are coming to mind at the moment. So much negativity :\

I remember hearing that average age of Cosmo readers was 15 years old. Don't know if this was hyperbole for effect? It doesn't seem too far off, based on what they put on the cover, though.

Right, I was wondering in what universe "Kim was very, very professional" translates to "Kim was an excellent actress".

Man, they do peddle some trashy-looking yet exorbitant body coverings.

It is painfully unfunny.

Country as fuck! And I was also surprised at how quickly VA becomes, uhh...southern...once you're out of the DC metro area.

I always like to think that death is off-limits for April Fool's, buuut then I consider whom we're dealing with.

heh, true stuff.

To have to be married to that douchenozzle... guh.

OMG I LOVE THOSE GUYS! And that gif is incredibly hypnotizing.

I realized some time ago that I was doing the "I feel" sentence-beginner almost as much as many people do the improper "literally". So I switched to "it seems like..." and I feel much less douchey!

Tell us how you REALLY feel.

I believe you mean...Kompass Rose.

"Fucking genetics, how do they work?" Hahahah, you win!!