It never was a real feud. It was all put on for the press. Believe me, i should know. I was writing press releases for both set of twats simultaneously.

Just shut up and give her the sixty bucks.

It doesn't matter anyway. That prissy hack. O'Neal, stole the story and fucked up the headline anyway. I wish he'd move on.

Mine's got more Lansbury-esque finesse.

Yes, that's a very good point.

I liked Whoopi Goldberg in the rocket car. Of course, that short preceding sentence is funnier than actually what appears on screen.

Never mind that, please could you cover this story:

I wonder if they cut out good stuff. Comedy films, almost unlike any other, are absolutely dependent on cutting. Mel Brookes said the first four cuts of 'Young Frankenstein' were awful'.

It's a great ruin of a movie. Interesting and watchable but not always funny. Strangely enough, Rat Race from 2001 is funnier but not so interesting or watchable.

One of the problems with it is that it didn't let any of the stars do what they do best - Merman didn't belt, Bilko didn't fast-talk, Berle didn't grouch, Terry-Thomas didn't schmooze… It was like all the actors were told 'Be yourself. Don't play your comic persona'.

Of course, Dick Shawn is the great forgotten dance music kind of the 60s.

With just a few cuts here and there, this whole movie could have been turned from a flabby buddy comedy into a very sharp and black-edged comedy. Spencer Tracey's fate at the end of this film is especially cruel and yet brilliantly apposite - almost like a pay-off from a Chabrol film. It is one of Hollywood's small…

I think it has been screened in the US though. I saw it in some fleapit in New York at the end of 2012, I think. The first half is solid; the second half is turgid.

I'm afraid it's not a new film. It's about two years old. However, it is a lot better than the criticis, audiences and its own producers thave said.

Except, with respect, I think it will also be offensive.

I didn't mind the lens flare. I minded the meaningless plot and the shallow characterisation.

That's the case with almost every alien film ever except, ironically, 'Alien'.

Were they so bad? It's true they were unremarkable but most Star Wars action scenes are really put together in post anyway, aren't they? When I was talking about its qualities, I was thinking more of the general construction of the film 'Hunger Games' as a traditional, well-paced drama-thriller with contemplative…

Ugh. When did Jedi become so preachy?

I don't know why we're thinking that JJ Abrams is going to produce any kind of script as totemic as the first two Star Wars stories. As his Mission Impossible and Star Trek movies show, he makes very ordinary actioners with shallow characterisation, insignificant plots and by-the-numbers 'buddy-buddy' dialogue. I know…