Heya buddy! Check out this new pocket square I gots! The gal at the counter said it changes color if you shout about crimes you committed to it. Give it a shot!

You can sometimes get lucky by turning off the heat to the pan a half minute before youa dd the egg/cheese, or add a 1/4 cup of pasta water, if it's still around and hot and it looks like the egg is starting to scramble.

That is badass… I was greenless Friday too, no one called me out on it, which is nice.

Hmmm, I'll check them out… I'd rather do the oil thing than the cologne thing. I don't need the alcohol base of cologne drying out my naturally dry skin.

Hey Hey Hey kid, slow your roll. Did I say anything about leaving out the cucumber? If anything you should have two! One in the front and one in the back, so no matter which way she's looking at you, you make a good impression.
Works every time.

Really shouldn't have skipped lunch today.

It's kind of fun to see George Michael punch Michael in the face. After all the years, watching their thoroughly dysfunctional relationship play out. it was cathartic.

You got to walk with both your feet following the same line, heel in front of toe. It'll give your hips a nice swing. Hunch your shoulders so you look larger than you are. It helps to snap your fingers in time with your steps or whistle while spinning something (cane, watch chain, pair of earbuds, whatever)
It works…

Well, that solves that.

Now that's my kind of abyss! Hot crackers, it can stare back at me anytime.

Eh… I just get Dr Bronner's by the quart… I'm too old to change my ways now (though I should go back to smoking classy rolling tobacco instead of cigarettes… if I'm going to smell like stale smoke all the time it might as well be classy.)

Dave Foley's character from 'NewsRadio' was an inspiration at a young age.

But… your hair is green.

The Nolan Batman movies have a checkered legacy, but boy oh boy did they give us a few goofy lines to throw about or re-adapt in times of comedy.

Wait a minute… you didn't say 'Eh.'

The conduct between kids and old people's lawns is very civil here this week. We might just make it after all.

Like… I've got a leatherman on my belt… and am looking around for just a single short blade to carry (because damnit, I just need to cut some cord real quick and don't want to play with utility transformers!) Walking around with a blade is classier than a gun, but… at the gym? Jesus man… give it a fucking rest and…

I'm in the second camp at the moment… it's almost stressful. I'm in 'take a hint' mode right now and don't want to escalate to 'listen, you do you and have fun with your life, but I'm not interested in carrying on with this' mode.

Where the hell is this dude's head? "Well, I can't seem to get Incense to write back or respond… Oh it's probably because she wants to be surprised when I call her out of nowhere and say I got her number from her parents, that I've never met… Yeah, that the missing piece to this puzzle of love"
A famous rabbit would…

Like, why not say 'Hi' in return once or twice as a start?