I am wondering what else the doctor tried before he settled on “Jenny McCarthy’s half-brother with bad shirts.” But I have to figure he knew he hit it out of the ballpark the second he landed on this one.

It was explicitly stated that the FO cruisers could keep pace but not catch up. It was said out loud. Maybe you missed that.

“BB-8, sorry to do this little buddy, but....well...your kind replaceable. You can calculate hyperspace jumps...that’s kinda your main purpose. So give us about 20 minutes, then hyperspace this piece of shit into that big-ass First Order ship. We’re gonna bounce and regroup later. Thanks, bud! I’ll make sure you get a…

My son is 3 and when we give him tablet time (I’m a shitty dad), he quickly learned to hit the little x’s on the pop up ads. He’ll shout “I saw the tiny x!” He doesn’t even notice they are ads. Makes me proud.

I stepped on a garden rake in my garage and got whacked in the head by the handle. It hurt like hell, but the tears were laughter.

EA, why you gotta do this, man. This game is fun. The bones of it are great. The shooting mechanics are on point. It’s fucking gorgeous. It absolutely nails the Star Wars feel and atmosphere. It’s packed with content. It’s vastly improved over the first one. You’ve got everything you need to make this a fantastic…

To put it more compactly: if you change Obamacare’s name to Trumpcare but leave the rest of the program exactly the same, Trump’s poorly informed, cult of personality supporters will immediately reverse course and declare it the best thing ever.

You’re absolutely right. Obamacare is a poor compromise, and in no way superior to universal free health care coverage, something which every industrialized civilized nation currently has, along with reasonable gun control laws.

Charcoal is wonderful, but you know what else is pretty good? Turning a knob, pressing a button, and having a hot grill ten minutes later and then not having to deal with a cauldron of ashes a couple hours after the meal. That’s decent, too.

Listen I’m not a die-hard NBA fan, but I much prefer watching 3 or 4 tremendously talented players on one team play high-caliber basketball for the championship against another similar team to watching 1 all-star on a team with a bunch of scrubs. I’m all for players making as much money as possible, but this seems to…

Um, if it had nothing to do with the city, then why is the T-Rex short for Torontosauras Rex, idiot.

It had bare boobies. In a pre-Internet world, that was all a man really needed. Damn millennial degenerates don’t know how good they have it.

The problem isn’t wasting time, it’s feeling guilty. If you’re not hurting yourself or others, there’s no problem. Maybe it’s something obsessive you need to get out of your system before you move on. Pay attention to what feels satisfying about it and see if it can be applied to any other activities, and then perhaps…

I think the key point, though, is that she wanted there to be more than one character. If there’s just one token character representing a minority, there’s pressure on them to represent the whole group. Any flaws they had could be taken as impugning the entire category of people, so the safest path is to idealize…

That’s really easy: the party that tanked their own prospects by fielding Sarah Palin was just insane enough to field Sarah Palin. 

You mean besides full-throated racism?

These are a bunch of scared old white men who horde guns to protect themselves from blacks, Muslims and Mexicans. There won’t be a violent uprising because that means they’d have to go outside where there could be blacks, Muslims and Mexicans.