EVERYBODY knows the original song. This isn't some obscure track from 79. It's a really famous song.

"Someday my prince will cum."

No one's slick as Gaston

Subtext: I was unable to elevate source material in any way, shape, or form. This actor took junk lines and managed to make them sexy somehow.

He probably does deserve on Oscar for the amazing self-restraint he shows in the trailer scenes — folks, he does *not* explode in laughter while looking at his co-star, who is clearly trying to achieve the Quivering Lip by doing kegels.

Real talk folks: my Kindle library is like 99% romance novels, and I have a lot of Kindle books.

P.S. DISAGREEING WITH HOW ISRAEL IS HANDLING IT'S "SITUATION" DOES NOT MAKE YOU A JEW HATER.

Nicole Beharie has got to be one of my favourite TV protagonists on at the moment, she plays a great role. She hasn't been given that "I AM A STRONG FEMALE THEREFORE ALSO AN EMOTIONAL ROBOT" personality and it's a pleasure to watch.

no matter how civilized I'd like to be, sometimes I can't help but absolutely revel in the cheated spouse absolutely soaking the cheater financially. I understand relationships are complex and never what they seem, but I've seen The First Wives Club wayy too many times to not relish in a settlement like this. …

I slip out of the bonds easily (socks), and ponder how nutty this situation has gotten.

Don't be humble about the socks. This story is even funnier if you're Harry Houdini.

Haha it was The Fall that made me question myself, needless to say I was very conflicted.

Dornan with beard is way hotter than without (almost everyone is) but, that said, clean-cut, boring dude in suit TOTALLY looks more like the guy who will jizz his mommy issues all over you and talk nonstop about his fucking contract.

Oh god, thank you for this. I appreciate the inclusion of the second spreadsheet and the discussion about nobody requiring to have sex, man or woman. The comments at deadspin were all, "how hard is it to just give it up for him once in a while?" Maybe she didn't want to, and maybe the dude didn't want to, either.

"I don't need feminism because I like masculine men like Christian Grey. I, also, don't a bus pass because I like traditional modes of transportation like unicorns."

Your wish is my command

To Blake's PR reps: I know you're reading this. I'm going to break some shit down below but before I do, I want to ask you to please PLEASE go into politics or philanthropy or something where you are able to change the lives of people in need. I say this because you are CLEARLY AMAZING AT YOUR JOB and could sell…

WELL FOR ONE SHE SLEPT WITH NATE ARCHIBALD WHILE HIM AND BLAIR WERE STILL TOGETHER.

jesus, when will people actually read the second amendment.

Much Words. Such Smugness. Wow.