Morrison won the Nobel Prize in Literature... not the Peace Prize.

Okay, so here’s the thing: Blac Chyna is 26, Tyga is 25 and Kylie Jenner is 17. (I looked all of these up, I don’t know this shit off the top of my head.)

Oh god, don’t get me started on those. People who “bare with” something, who wait with “baited breath,” who are “phased by that,” the list is sooo long.

She’s cute and puts herself together well, but there are 25 prettier girls in any randomly selected high school graduating class in America.

Dire Straits*

My friend used to be a exotic dancer and she was Brett Michaels go to girl in Vancouver for a while. She said he was actually super romantic, would always bring her flowers and was eager to please in bed.

That hadn't happened yet! It was a simpler time!

No, I just wanted to yell that at a Rollins story.

Catching this vibe from her...

I swear to you that is not it.

I'm glad to see we're using cloning technology for the noble purposes it was meant for, making clones of Jessica Simpson.

I am disappointed in myself. Thank you, sir or ma’am. I would NEVER fuck with the Wu Tang Clan.

Excuse me sir, but Redman is NOT an official member of Wu Tang. I feel as though by saying that he is, you are fucking with Wu Tang Clan and in case you are unaware, they are nothing to fuck with. Thank you.

Yesterday, at lunch, I found out that the University of Michigan has a football player named Jake Butt. And we googled him. And he’s a tight end. This discovery was probably one of the top ten moments of my life.

I bet he thought he could do voices, but really just sounded like himself.

I have nearly come to blows with someone over this issue. He insists it's "pours" and IT IS NOT MY GOD YOU MORON.

Why a "[sic]" for "pores" there? That's the correct usage.

I'm a bit taken aback by the butthurt I'm seeing here. You don't like what she says? Keep doing what you're doing. But if you're upset, exam that. There's truth in them there hills.