If I were not married and expected to come up with “real” meals for someone else, the vesper board would comprise all of my meals.  Not that I’d call it a vesper board.

I’ve said at least twice now that you’re “my kind of food writer”, but I never actually explained that it means I appreciate your occasional wholehearted embrace of pure junk food ingredients. This, however, crosses some vague line that I can’t quite define. I just can’t with bologna, and I’m not sure why that is or…

Ugh. Back in my day we had to sit while the artist painted a portrait and believe me, it wasn’t easy maintaining an—

Honestly, I only know one brand, but it’s also the brand my friends across the pond eat: Heinz, in the blue-green can. Kroger might be your better bet; a cursory look at Walmart’s website indicated that they’re out of stock. I’ve bought them in bulk from Amazon before but I bet you can find them locally.

...and if you’re not in the mood for sausages (or if you are but you’re also extra hungry), don’t forget the humble baked beans on toast, preferrably topped with sharp cheddar cheese. And don’t buy sugary, American baked beans; you'll be glad you paid too much for the British ones in tomato sauce.

I'm not optimistic, but t might be worth a try if you can make an argument that the item was promised by a certain date, and that you’ve been in contact with the person, trying to come to a resolution. Crowdfunding sites tell you upfront that the product is not guaranteed, so my gut instinct is that your bank might…

Wait, am I the only one?

You had me at "viral meat stick".

Does this system allow the president to send anything other than text? Because after this morning’s Stormy Daniels/“mushroom” news I’m worried that he’s got something to prove.

Thought I’d recently read the peanut butter-and-pickles-sandwich post, but I Googled it, and it turns out I’d read somebody else’s post (I don’t recall where, but it was all about how peanut butter and pickles—like popcorn at the movies—was born during the Great Depression). Doesn’t matter. Looked up your xoJane post…

I did not have an N64 and did not enjoy GoldenEye, but I got roped into lots of games. I never bothered to get good at it, but I learned pretty quickly that it doesn’t matter if you’re carrying any weapons, as long as you pick Oddjob and maintain a crouch at all times.

How exactly did the voice pronounce the word “grille” that you knew there was an E on the end?

Hopefully Musk has some $100 bills around to wipe his tears with.

Hugh Laurie will always be my image of the Prince Regent.

Parents who teach their kids slang terms for genitalia have always gotten on my nerves, but the last straw occurred some years ago when a theater in Florida presented a production of The Hoohah Monologues after the word vagina on their marquee made somebody squeamish. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m so much more…

You know they’ve already made this, right? It’s called Three Men and a Baby. It’s basically what you’ve suggested, except instead of apes it’s three men, and instead of taking over the planet they take care of a baby.

I don’t watch cooking shows (or other shows, really; I’m bad at TV), but I want to put in a vote for Julia Child as the greatest pragmatist of cooking television. She was obviously a good cook, but she had no aversion to occasionally using convenience foods as a shortcut, and sometimes she’d let the cameras keep…

Alternatively:

• What is your favorite kind of crust? After literally decades of not understanding my own preferences, I am finally coming around to the fact that although I really like thick, pan-style crusts, my absolute favorite is very thin and crispy.
  

I prefer to use plain yogurt—sometimes with some of the liquid strained out—rather than sour cream. There’s definitely a taste difference that would probably not please everybody.