“Look, I’m always wiling to try new food. But someone’s BODY and their BLOOD??? This is the LAST SUPPER I’ll ever go to at THAT restaurant!”

“Restaurant food was decent but I had to provide my own bread and wine. The next day I was nailed to a plank of wood and died. Would not recommend.”

“When I can’t afford it on my pay, I don’t want people on the taxpayer’s dime to afford those kinds of foods either.”

Re: wrinkles under aging eyes and concealer vanishing into said wrinkles to form unattractive concealer-colored wrinkles while failing to conceal elsewhere: after buying roughly a gazillion concealers in effort to correct this truly depressing problem, I have recently found the solution.

I'm going to post this again because I was really late to the party last time and I feel like more people need to hear the inadvertent nipple piercing story.

Bless you for not telling her when there was nothing she could have done about it.

my gfs wedding. i was a bridesmaid. we stood out on the vineyard grounds to take pictures as we prepared to walk down the aisle and the owner of the vineyard popped his head out of the office to comment on how lovely we all looked. his two gorgeous Weimanaers bounded out after him. we are all dog people, dogs were…

I turn around and put them in the fucking trash.

I would totally be in the same boat - my GI tract has a cruel sense of irony. One of my good friends just got married. She also has a history of incidents like this (our GI issues and love of discussing poop solidified - heh - our friendship early), so she devised a whole plan of what to eat and took two Immodiums the…

It’s sad because the law school graduation rates say you as a woman are more likely to be the attorney, but it’s happened to me in a field which graduates are disproportionately female as well. Like so:

The next time they ask you to cut the cake, you should totally cut it up all weird so that some people get a thin sliver and others get a hunk that hangs over the Chinet plate.

"Oh, are you the paralegal?"

I worked for a family firm. My family’s firm, that my grandfather started. My mom was eventually made president, and she once told me that she was once denied a promotion (from her own father) because he needed to promote a man because he had children. My mom had children, too, but...no penis?

Fro 15 years, my cubicle has been the desk closest to the company conference room.

The first example to come to mind:

Hi, Spreck Rosekrans here, responding on behalf of Restore Hetch Hetchy. A couple of key points: