I am suddenly desparate to hear about the potential Denton meltdown. 

Thank you for pointing this out. Mental illness is real and no joke but holy shit the idea that you’re not responsible for your actions with a diagnosis of a mood disorder is so far off from the truth and a pretty dangerous assumption.

Just don’t pepper spray anyone about it this time 

this is a really odd read of Nathan for You. I think there’s an argument to be made that it’s anticapitalist but I don’t think  he’s “exposing the greed” of the small business baffled by his schemes. 

The Trump connection is more relevant these days. 

lmao yes, the saudi prince deserved better

i often “defend” SNL to friends against the whole “it used to be funnier when i was in high school/watching now-famous cast members on edited Comedy Central reruns” argument by basically saying it’s always pretty mediocre overall with a couple standout cast members and writers rise above maybe 20% of the time. but…

Le Epic Bacon Good SIr!!!! 

I don’t give a shit about Tucker Carlson or any of these fucks getting yelled at in public, in restaurants, over the phone or even at their front door, but I do think that if his kids are scared in their own home it’s not really cool. It’s not their fault their dad is Tucker Carlson. (Of course there’s a very good…

I don’t know a single person in real life who wouldn’t do something like this given the chance. Everyone is always trying to find free parking. Where do you people come from?

It’s a lifesaver if you’re a musician that plays a lot of cover gigs (the type of thing where you might play 100 different tunes in a weekend).
it is also my designated porn device. 

literally no one should comment on anything online, especially me 

I used to love drinking on planes but fell out of love with it as I got older and less able to bounce back after getting a buzz. anything more than one drink just means feeling sleepy with a barely-perceptible but still there headache in a few hours. 

“Make a pizza....” 

“An “F” CinemaScore..”

yeah, what he said wasn’t good, but it also seems like it was not a huge deal. i don’t look to 50+ year old comedians that are barely connected to reality anyway — this is a guy that lives near LAX and doesn’t drive — for the best, most compassionate takes

100%.
I know this is cliche but it is insane how bad hangovers get after 30 and it really seems to happen overnight.
Water always helps lessen all hangovers, but when 3 beers under the right circumstances can give you a pounding headache for the next 24 hours,  water becomes very important. 

glad this was clarified. apparently I’m so behind the times that the concept of downloading and storing files wasn’t even really considered. Doesn’t mean Apple is doing the right thing but it had me wondering if there was some DRM in the media file itself. 

This is great news. Modern day Conan has its moments but the 12:30 show was unquestionably his golden era. I’m particularly looking forward to revisiting the episodes from the writer’s strike.

i had no idea this existed. this changes pretty much everything