You and I are very different people

yeah sorry to all you frickin conspiracy theory losers but I had an Australian roommate who looked JUST like Amelia Earhart and so did her mom and I was like “omg [name withheld] you look JUST LIKE our first lady of the sky, where is your family from” and she was like, “well my dad’s family is from Scotland” and I was…

I regret that I have but one star to give you. This comment wins the internet today.

Don’t worry; they plan on coming out with a new cult with a much easier method of interaction with the public, based on selling the women they have collected. It’ll be called “Vendo in Nomine Domini Obsequiosum Vestrum Sororium”.

Finally, a story about a man reaching for melons that we can all be happy about.

I’m not sure why you’re bringing up the Washington Post? The New York Times broke the story earlier this morning — two different cities, two completley different media outlets.

Left Shark has no comment.

IT’S THE DOG

Their feud started when Rand Paul stole his neighbor’s backup dancers. There’s been a lot of bad blood since then.

Ding ding ding, we have a winner folks. I guarantee you there was infidelity involved. Tree trimmings aren’t “tackled out of nowhere” worthy. Coming home to seeing the smug asshole that fucked your wife? Yeah, that’s worth a six-rib breaking tackle.

“a very regrettable dispute between two neighbors over a matter that most people would regard as trivial,”

I can’t. All this happened while they were out and a boat?

Wow, I can’t believe this, canoe?

Serious answer? His presence would be too disruptive to the parties; particularly with the Secret Service and all the looky loos.

Technically this counts as “submarining.”

I find it chilling. A lot of people criticize it for being shallow, but they’re all wet—it’s actually really deep.

That picture of him needs to have crudely scribbled coke and cum on his face.

Oh, come on...

Oh my god! This is the Massacre at Bowling Green that Kellyanne Conwoman was talking about! She can see the future!