Clinton would’ve told us about UFOs for sure. *kicks dirt*

Oh God, it’s you. I remember you from about a year ago, because you made such an impression. Basically you came across as a misogynist. I remember that you thought most women were shallow, boring and racist. That women had nothing interesting to say and never will. You are having trouble with women because you have no…

I initially read “caffeine runs” as meaning “diarrhea from too much coffee”, and became a little concerned....

How do you catch cattle?

I’m reading this and laughing, thinking of all the times that my uncles and their classmates would get pulled out of school because one of their cows (or their neighbor’s cows) got out.

Hahaha! Perfect

If the cops really wanted to catch this bull quickly, they would have employed a steak out.

Kevin (Probably) Killed Off His TV Wife

Kevin Just Can’t Even

Can Kevin Not?

I feel it’s important to point out that Tig Notaro was doing stand up without C.K, she was on her way, on her own before him.

Yes, All Work Places.

“Stand up comedians”

Followed by dinner in formal attire:

Lemme think...

the actors will be fed their lines through a freaking earpiece and will be expected to deliver their dialogue that way, line by excruciating line.

Right before I turned 21 I moved to a new city, transferred colleges, and got an apartment by myself. I picked a place out on the third story of a rambling old Victorian mansion - a modest studio with white metal cabinets from the 1950's and a rusted fire escape which always gave me bad feelings. It was metal, and…

I don’t know how the cat did it, but that cat was totally fucking with you.