I suspect he’s going into deep cover to distract us from his real next role: portraying Morrissey in a Smiths reunion tour (for which the band surely would receive well over $100 million), so that Morrissey doesn’t actually have to go on tour and Johnny Marr and Andy Rourke don’t have to be in the same room as…

You don’t invite Nazis to tea so they can wax rhapsodic about the final solution, you stab them in the neck.

Are you young? I think those of us who really love the show grew up on 80's films just like this. The nostalgia is great.

no

I bet that’s your favorite mistake.

Dear hospital employees,

She’s having twins and pushing 40. There’s no fuckin’ way any OB would let her have a home birth, because you can’t have a cardiac surgeon on call at home.

She doesn’t have to remember.

I think it would be just as traumatic to be assaulted unaware than to be aware.

I completely agree. I said right after the election it’s time we let these people go. Leave them behind. They’re dragging the rest of us down and just plain holding us back.

Future first “team” winners of the Darwin awards...

“He said we shouldn’t worry about rising sea levels,”

This is the perfect encapsulation of everything wrong in the general population right now.

This really sucks.

Thank god they’ve got excellent health care!

Easy. Being born to a radical feminist mother who loved Indiana Jones movies waaay too much.

I heard Barron Trump calls Robert Mueller “Papa Bob.” People are saying this.

On the next episode of Furious Mastubation Theatre: “Intense Rubbing”