Is that dog jumping along to *himself* on television? This is amazing.

This article deserves a Pulitzer.

No, no, no. Jello salad for dessert. Do you even Midwest, bro?

I have a very clear memory of a moment on the morning my dad died. He passed away about 2am in the VA hospital and by the time I got there, cleaned out his room, and got everything squared away with the funeral home it was about 6:30am. I pulled into a gas station because I had barely enough gas to get home, and I…

The slightest glimmer of a chance that something BIGLY horrendous will surface about Trump this week is the only thing keeping me afloat right now.

This needs more stars.

On one very hot day, I dug a “pool” (hole) in our yard, filled it with water, and then invited the neighborhood kids over for a pool party. It became a mud party. I got in big trouble. The hole was maybe a foot deep and two feet around, which was a lot of digging for an 8 year old. I felt I was unfairly punished. I…

Yep, I get sleep paralysis too, along with the hallucinations. It’s worse when I’m stressed or sleep deprived and I try not to sleep on my back.

His is hands down the best Trump I’ve seen yet. Alec and Darrell Are great, of course. I’m glad they are saving Darrell for Bill Clinton though. Anthony’s appearances on @midnight have been some of the best television all year.

Not sure if you’re addressing me specifically, or the topic of early voting in general, but I actually went to the county clerk’s office and used the same ballot I would have on November 85th and put it in the same kind of ballot counter that they’ll have at my local boring precinct. It wasn’t an absentee ballot.

Are you somewhere that you can vote early? One reason I took advantage of that option this time around is that I want no part of the election day shitshow.

I’m a potter and I’ve been working to make travel mugs with silicone sippy lids. This has been a challenge for me because I have to account for clay shrinkage during drying/firing, so that the lid fits after the clay has shrunk by 14%. Yay math! Anyway, I’ve almost figured it out - in my last batch of experimental…

YOU ATE YOUR TWIN THAT’S SO COOL

My most obnoxious one is “when we were young and photos were on paper” featuring a collection of scanned high school photos. Because I’m as cool now (or in 2008) as I was in 1996.

As much fun as it would be for cocaine to be the answer, I was wondering last night about respiratory problems too. It seems to be on every inhale while talking, as though he doesn’t have the wind to spit out a whole sentence. Might explain his fragmented way of speaking. Based on his diet and weight I would not be…

I’m guessing if you’ve got pussyleaks the urge to scratch is probably unbearable.

Not to make light of a terrifying situation, but your gif reminded me of this photo I saw on Instagram.

I was mildly offended when my car was broken into and I found my cd case discarded on the sidewalk a little way down from my house. My taste in music isn’t *that* bad. :(

Unrelated, but WTF is a “clown impersonator?” You’re either a clown, or you’re not.

My junior high clarinet teacher was missing half of one of his middle fingers. He had a specially made tab on his clarinet so he could play it properly, and he reveled in the slightly disturbing dad joke of “how many beats for a dotted quarter note in 4/4 time? [holds up one and a half fingers] one and a half!…