I gotta know if the stock people featured in the “American Voices” segments have any idea they’re used almost weekly on The Onion. It’s been like the same 6 people forever!

I’m in the camp that Jim Carrey can be howlingly unfunny at times, but is also a tremendously gifted actor and artist who is probably a straight dick heel to be around in person. We’re still proud that he’s from Canada, though.

Let’s say you’re just hanging out on your thatched-roofed cottage. And you’re just admiring how dry and brittle the wood is. And you just happen to be innocently playing around with this....blow torch....and this......portable flint...and you are wondering....what could go wrong?  WELL LEMMIE SHOW YA SOMETHING!

LEMME SHOW YA SOMETHIN!

This is for you, Roenick!

My best was also a slightly less conventionally attractive dude.

Your last sentence explains it all! Sure I look at young guys and think how hot they are, then I realize I’m a 50-something woman with sons in their late 20's and that usually kills the mood. 

The best sex I've ever had was with a man who looked like the human embodiment of Milhouse Van Houten. It's all about the pheromones!

Pete is compelling in a way - I get it.

Singer and Spacey likely have dirt on producers much higher up the food chain.  There are a lot of producers who have tons of sway and connections.  People whose names mean nothing to people outside the industry.  Maybe you have seen their names in films, but a lot of them arent names you ever see.  The people moving…

Exactly.

Who are you to resist it, eh?

Perhaps Hong Kong Disneyland could’ve followed the absurd example set by Japan’s Fuji-Q Highland amusement park, where the owners have suggested it’s better to “scream inside your heart” while on a rollercoaster than, um, with your mouth?

Awww I loved her in Space Camp back then, RIP

Whats disturbing about all this to me is the fact that August was Jaden’s friend. Like no one is mentioning that. Thats weird as fuck.

she’s super full of shite

Like, I would love to come into some money and be able to live *comfortably* yet *modestly*. And then there’s these fucks just tossing money at things that they probably won’t have ten years from now because this is how they spend it.

His music and, more substantially, his vision as a producer has had a lasting impact on modern hip hop. He’s incredibly talented. He’s also kind of a mess.

I feel that we all need to send love out to Jujubee for her constantly entertaining read on the ongoing drama. She’s completely amused by it, bears no one any malice, and we all know that she’s just beyond it all. I giggled madly when she blew a kiss in the mirror as she voted, proving once and for all that she’s the…

I believe you guys are missing every single Bruce Springsteen song ever recorded.