I ask this with immense fondness: u mad

I’m so glad there’s an actual Detective around here to ask the really important questions of the day.

Is that an empty bowl of mac & cheese next to your workstation

I can’t help but feel that you’re patronizing us.

“As a dancer.”

I’m just excited to see “pas de bourrée” mentioned in a Deadspin article. Today has been such an unexpected gift.

Shucks.

Nobody pins Baby underneath the stage.

Someone forgot to burp her.

There’s lots more things you need to know about Trump, believe me. He’s the best, really. The classiest. You haven’t even mentioned his radiant skin; it’s luxurious! And that golden hair. Everyone knows gold is the best. So many things haven’t been mentioned. Sad.

Elizabeth Warren and the character Gina from Brooklyn 99 can stay.

You toadstools are fine as long as we don’t eat you, which seems only fair.

I hate people.

That Bella Thorne just seems so young and hip y’all!

Da fuq...?

I eagerly await the sequel, “Sean Penn Died of a Swollen Ego."

Sean penn did the impossible again and made me prefer a serial killer to an actor

Every anecdote Sean Penn tells makes him look more terrible. He should just stop trying at this point.

I didn't think it was possible for me to hate Sean Penn anymore then I already did, but hey! Somehow he made it happen!