When did I click on a Jezebel link? :P

You are COMPLETELY wrong.

I remember when I was a kid, and obviously obsessed with Pokemon being a kid in the 90s, there was a Pikachu stuffed animal inside a claw machine. I wanted it so bad, and every time I went to that diner with the claw machine, I would get a quarter from my dad to play it. Night after night, I'd fail. Then one night, I…

Yes, it gets way too hot. It's hot like molten lava and prone to combustion. I've gone through three living rooms and a wife already. Never buy one.

Did no one in a Sony exec meeting think this was going to happen?

30% of PS4s were bricking with the blue light issue based off Amazon reviews. Now 30% of Xboxes are dying! IT'S ARMAGEDDON! EVERYONE ACT UNREASONABLE!

Microsoft doesn't have a fix yet for the issue, which has caused Xbox One Blu-ray drives to make a horrible grinding noise when they try to read discs. It's not clear just how many Xbox Ones are affected, but after reporting on the original issues this morning, I've received close to 100 e-mails from people who say…

I like to add this

I thought the white paper represented deaths.

A few years ago, I became a born again Christian. Then, for the first time since then, I had a dream a few weeks back. It was in the dream that Jesus Christ spoke to me. He told me,

And before someone retorts to you:

Just get a 3ds or build a gaming pc.

Some of the best writing I've ever seen on Kotaku!

Then boy howdy your moving to Texas!

didn't realize it was hunting season, because that's one big buck passing by!

Because this is Kotaku and not Extreme Tech?

Who replaces their PS3....Well poor people but nobody with common sense....My PS4 will be sitting right next to my PS3.....360 is going in the trash

Also he has tons of equally hilarious videos at his pre-Kotaku youtube page http://www.youtube.com/user/LaserFrog…