I feel like I ought to go and sit on the floor cross-legged so you can tell me more once-upon-a-time-on-Jezebel stories. Old Jez sure sounds like a magical place.

Try not to be too hard on the jerk who pushes you over to 701. I'm sure their intentions will be good.

That sounds awesome, actually. I think it's about time that I rewatched Firefly, I'm putting that on my to-do list. The fun to-do list, that is, not the take-the-cats-to-the-vet one.

I don't know if this is the kind of encouraging story you mean, but I met my awesome, lovely bf on okcupid, and am ridiculously happy with him. So it happens? My unsolicited advice is to talk on the phone before you meet them. Some people seem great online, but there's no chemistry or they're super awkward in person.…

Ahh, what both of you say makes sense. I'm still heartbroken though. My plans of becoming a multi-century-spanning little old lady have become slightly less realistic.

Ok, so I remember thinking when I was younger that the world's oldest people regularly made it to their 120s, maybe 130s. 114 is so young! I assumed that people making it to their early hundreds was nothing nowadays. Which led me to the obvious conclusion that when I got old, I'd be zooming around in my Jetson-style…

So... can this become a thing now?

But are there also 'musty second-hand book' candles? Or a 'shirt that mansundae left at my house and kind of needs a wash' candle? Or 'my cat's belly, which also smells bizarrely like cookies' candles?

Why do bathrooms become such magical places when you're drunk? People become so much lovelier in bar/pub bathrooms at 2am on a Saturday night. I feel you Florence. Drunken singing in a bathroom is a mighty fine way to be discovered.

Because evolution (and climate change) are just theories, and shouldn't be talked about in schools or, you know, otherwise taken seriously, Olivesundae brings you:

Gosh, yes, her physical movements and expressions were so childlike, but in such an awful way. I really do hope this was a sort of controlled fail, like someone else said, letting her hit rock bottom so that she can realise how much she needs help, because the idea that people who are supposed to care and support her…

When I was 6 or 7 years old, my parents got me a clown doll that was bigger than I was. It would sit on a chair facing my bed at night, and its white porcelain face seemed to glow in the dark. Euggh.

As a woman, I'm totally down with buff ladies and men giving massages, and chocolate in tea-cups, and dried meat (also in tea cups, obviously). I don't know why you guys are pretending not to like any of this stuff, but it is the internet, so I'll just assume you're all really dudes.

Y'all don't get it. Dude is a dude. Nobody knows more about dudes than dudes. Just like how I'm a lady, so I know that if ladies had their way, they'd spend all day rolling around on a pile of vibrating plush toys while listening to their favourite music (as performed by a choir of cats).

@RaisinGirl - I don't want to trivialise your experiences or your feelings, BUT, from reading your comments, you're pretty obviously a smart, compassionate, and interesting person. I don't know, maybe you'd rather date a hot guy with zero brains or ability to empathise, but I think there are a lot of people who'd…

Those eyes, so intense. It's like you caught her right at the moment before ice-blue lasers shot out. Laser beams of love and cuteness, of course.

Anything and everything makes me love Amy Poehler more. I just ate a bowl of cereal, and you know what? It made me love Amy Poehler a little more. Oh, Amy.

Wait, so one is a biased source that should be ignored and the other you can't blame for trying to talk themselves up? Ok, ok, I think I've got this straight: it's fine to give biased opinions so long as you're not making enough money to drive an expensive car. Right?

Unfortunately, I think studies like this tend to use mothers as shorthand for 'primary carer' (which your dad seems to have been for you). So your experience might still fit perfectly with what they're saying, except it would be dependent on your interactions with your dad.

Am I the only one who gets sick of hearing how much 'prettier' Ginnifer Goodwin looked with longer hair? She clearly loves the way she looks now, and god forbid looking pretty isn't her top priority. It kind of reminds me of that What Not to Wear show - that idea that the most important thing about how you look is…