Making things worse for Oden, Kevin Durant was spotted buying his girlfriend flowers even though it's totally not her birthday.

If anything, those players are underpaid. Those football players perform at a higher level and provide a more desired product than any Marine. It's incredibly difficult to become a professional football player.

laughed so hard I fell down and got a Wounded Knee

I laughed so hard it left a Trail of Tears.

You're right about the character clause, Barry. Here's the relevant section from the official Twins Hall of Fame Bylaws and Regulations:

He's getting old; how hard could he still throw? I mean, if he threw a humidifier at her, I'd be surprised if she could Knoblauch it.