And 70 years from now we’ll all be dead. Really makes u think.

I bet CC Sabathia was even more upset he missed the game when he heard that the stadium was full of boos.

DraftKings will answer the information requests once the attorney general exceeds the minimum for withdrawal (10,000 information requests).

The way I see it, it can go a few ways:

1. Bring in Leitch to do an actual “Root for the Cardinals” article. Odds: 50 to 1
2. Bring in Magary to do the “Fuck the Cardinals and Burn St. Louis to the Ground” article. Odds: 5 to 1
3. Just post the headline, “Fuck the Cardinals” Odds: 10 to 1

All odds were completed made up…

except it worked.

“But the organization believed that their period of suck was part of a bigger plan that would eventually pay off and make them suck less.”

I’ve been an Astros fan my entire life, and this version is by far the most fun to root for. From the big bro-little bro double play combo of Correa and Altuve to their Paul Bunyanesque DH to their nerd GM to their homers, strikeouts, and stolen bases offensive philosophy, the Astros are fun again, even more fun than…

I still see this shit in my sleep.

It’s a tough sell, Samer.

If you consider a series to be done with three articles remanining, I am guessing you have left a string of unsatisfied women in your wake.

Where have you gone, Ron Washington? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. I want to do coke with you.

That take was so strong, it could bench 450 and squat 750.

Socrates: Forget what I said. The unexamined life is fine.

I’m assuming every single one of them is named Kristen and not a single one is spelled the same.

My thoughts exactly

“Say, you ladies ever heard of Merkle’s Boner?”

“Hey buddy they’ve got a new invention it’s called a napkin.”

I want to be the one that says at least the one girl was taking selfies the right way!

I'd like to teach the world to sing