Who was Carrie Underwood's runner-up for American Idol? Bo Bice? Bo Bice runs out to replace her for the remainder of the show.

Julie Andrews is allowed under the old Hollywood "all foreign accents are British accents" law.

How about the fact that a person's health, actual or perceived (and no, statistical analysis does not make you an individual fat person's doctor), has zero bearing on whether or not it's okay to be a dick to them?

would you rather:

Would Jezebel's staff be as forgiving of Kels if a string of White Women came forward and said he peed on them and had sex with them when then they were teens? Would Black Panties be admired then? I doubt much of the industry, VIBE/BET included would be.

Especially since Jezebel refuses to self-identify as a feminist site.

Lol. Chickens don't cry. They don't have souls. Or something!

I... don't feel bad for him.

Oh yeah, seems like a terrible life choice, all you're left with now is stating the obvious in interviews.

Well as I've been told several times, this isn't a feminist site. Also yes, I will continue to give a giant FU to an organization who thinks that maintaining the dignity of animals requires stomping all over the dignity of people. Women specifically.

PETA makes me want to morph into a tyrannosaur and eat all the animals on Earth, even non-food animals like hippos and seagulls, just to spite them.

Once again, I could almost swear that PETA is actually run by some international animal-killing conglomerate. It's the only way I can explain the fact that, even though I hardly ever eat meat, almost every time I see an ad of theirs I want to go club a baby cow and have some veal out of spite.

You don't have antlers?

Um, but all animals don't have the same body parts? An animal rights group that knows nothing about animals shouldn't have the influence or publicity necessary to spread this Plan V crap in the first place. I'd also love to know how a diet that substitutes cheap animal protein for cheap carbs is an effective weight…

Which brings me to my favorite vegan joke:

Yes! I am pretty sure this abomination is a hate crime against beloved family classics.

The moon comes out. It seems larger now that it's taken center sky and pushed the clouds from sight.