Yeah, Zeus is an asshole. I’m surprised there aren’t more hedge funds named after him.

When you've had the kind of drought the Skins have had, there comes a time that even your Cousins start to look pretty good.

This summer, I vacationed in Vermont and everywhere I went there were signs that said “Grade A Maple Syrup.” So one afternoon, I went into one of the stores and took a few samples. I honestly didn’t know where to begin! The A-F scale seems played out, and I didn’t want to be pretentious about it, like Pitchfork, and…

It is not a subtle joke. It is a bad and obvious joke.

I get this reference. You do not get a star though.

They are a military branch, not a whaling company.

You could start with the subjunctive mood.

Never Forget.... That he was the Fucking Worst.

I mean, come on...

Counterpoint:

This lovely man came in every day, I burned his bread, and he left a $5.00 tip on a $4.00 meal. One time, he heard me (quietly, I swear) talking to another waitress about how I couldn’t afford to have my other cat spayed yet, and when he left, I found $100.00 under the cup for my cat.

I grew up in South Carolina so I think I’ve got a good handle on what does and does not constitute being a slave. Something about making at least $8 million over 12 years, not including endorsement deals, doesn’t really strike me as slavery. Suck it up, dude, and while you’re at it pick up my fucking club.

I’m so glad I got to see this horse run. I’ve seen a Triple Crown winner in my lifetime. Thank you Pharoah for giving me a lifetime of memories.

if you would’ve given me three chances to guess the handle of the poster of this, I think I would’ve guessed right

Being able to fuck the Mets out of home-field advantage against the Dodgers is nice. It is not nicer than winning the division.

He lives on Drury Lane.

This is among the stupidest fucking things I have ever read. You should be ashamed for having written it, and if your parents are still alive you should apologize to them. You should also be questioning all of the life choices that led you to the moment where you wrote that nonsense and hit publish. And no one gives a…