Before you write in someone for president, check your state’s laws governing write-in votes.

Last month, Phyllis Schlafly was handed a defeat by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. She objected to St. Louis-based Schlafly Brewery’s application to trademark “Schlafly” beer. (The brewery’s owner is Phyllis’s nephew by marriage.) Phyllis Schlafly argued that associating the Schlafy surname with—gasp!—beer…

That’s why analytics geeks invented the Value Above Replacement Kid stat.

One of the many joys of getting older is getting invitations to free dinners from financial planners. Which, inevitably, are followed by a sales pitch for products with hefty fees and commissions that cost far more than the “free” meal.

Which reminds me of Ford Motor Company’s launch of its supersized SUVs, the Ford Expedition and the Lincoln Navigator. One mailing from Ford assured me that the vehicle “fits in most garages”.

Not to be confused with Law & Order SUV, in which officers ticket vehicles that take up more than one parking space.

Still to be answered: Did these offenses occur before the Fulmer Cup window closed?

Bob Timberlake. Oy. I grew up in the NYC area. The first year I became interested in pro football was 1965. I remember Marty Glickman calling Timberlake’s FB attempts: “It’s high enough...it’s long enough...off to the left”.

The day after Nixon resigned, I went to D.C. to visit a friend from college. After he drove me past the White House (there was a Mayflower moving out in front), we decided to kill time by going to the Capitol and watching laws get made. When we arrived in the House gallery, Bella Abzug was in the midst of a heated…

I love how he referred to himself as “Governor Paul Richard LePage”, as if it was necessary to distinguish himself from any other Paul LePages who might be sitting governors.

Charles Pierce routinely refers to LePage as “the human bowling jacket”.

What does he think about the Book of Numbers?

He could. He was nails.

You win.

Will there be cat races after the 6th inning?

Better yet: Tiger Stadium. Alas, the Tigers’ new park is called Comerica Park.

Ah, yes. Barratry, champerty, and maintenance. There are snarky stained-glass cartoons inside the U of Michigan Law School that illustrated those three. They date back to the 1920s.

9-7. Christ. A winning record. I’m gonna puke. Keep in mind that those nine wins all came against losing teams. If they had played winning teams? 0-16. That’s right.

I’m a sports fan, and I watched next to zero Olympics coverage on NBC. The number-one reason is that I hate all the human-interest stories the network crams into its coverage in order to attract non-sports fans.

Which is why I’ve watched next to zero Olympics on NBC this year.