There's no way the Texans beat the Pats. You think they let Wilfork go just because he's getting old? Nope. He's a classic Belichick plant, just biding his time until they need him to sabotage an opponent.

Does FX or one of its spin-offs still do that "DVD on TV" thing, where Dave Holmes basically does a commercial for the DVD extra features?

In all seriousness, I've found that shooting rock all the time is actually a valid strategy, as long as you're doing best-of-three. The other player gets so convinced that you won't shoot rock this time because you've done it so much before that the overthink themselves into losing.

No one said it was a perfect system. But you have to break a few collarbones if you want to make a football omelette.

If it's prison rules I wouldn't count out Belichick. You know he'd start packing pocket sand just in case.

Why does the NFL bother with coin tosses in the first place? If basketball and hockey can do it, I don't see why football can't just have the teams line up at midfield, drop the ball in the middle and let the team that comes up with it have the ball. Who cares about this player safety nonsense? Knute Rockne didn't…

Where else can you find top-notch articles like "The Do's and Don'ts of Whistle Maintenance" and "5 Fun New Ways to Signal False Starts"?

They should do it like the NHL and soccer tournaments, where you just switch to an arbitrary skill competition after a certain amount of time. Maybe a field-goal kicking contest or that halftime game where you try to throw footballs into a hole in a barrel.

The idea of hot dog "etiquette" is completely ludicrous. If you can buy the thing on a street corner, etiquette is not a word that should apply.

If it were 30 Rock at least it would have been funny. This is Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip territory.

It's weird how that one innocent word can make that statement so unsettling.

I was actually slightly disappointed with the safety last night. Usually a safety is my favorite way to score points, because of how rare it is and how dominant your special teams and defense need to be to make it happen. But to get one in the goofiest way possible, because the oppoosing QB doesn't even know his own…

I know I'm not the only one who wished that they had stayed with MLB's international feed during game 1 Tuesday. Watching baseball without having to listen to Joe Buck and Harold Reynolds was just delightful.

Lisa's visit with Dr. Hibbert has one of my favorite subtle jokes: After Dr. Hibbert asks her if it "hurts when she does this"and then tells her to turn on the projector, you can see him rubbing his hand as if it hurt him to make that motion.

Meh. If I wanted to watch a dude play with a bunch of toys from the 80s, I'd just watch Robot Chicken. At least then I'm finished in 10 minutes instead of three goddamn hours.

Hey, at least when Tom Brady did it to Drew Bledsoe he had the decency to stick with the same team. Fitzpatrick and his cronies are on their sixth or seventh attempt at this point.

Ol Harvard boy has it coming. Don't you think it's a little suspicious that every team that brings in Fitzpatrick as a backup loses its QB1 to injury? I'm not saying Fitzy has a deal with the mob to "take care of" his competition so that he gets to start. But the only reason I'm not saying that is because I don't want…

I have to admit I hate the Jets just a little bit less this year because I think Todd Bowles is a good coach and a solid improvement over that asshole up north.

I choose to look at it like he's shifting the blame. "I wouldn't have done anything differently. Griff is the one who fucked up."

You have that kind of time? I usually just go with the shortened version: "Gone bowling. Not back, avenge death."