Danielle, I really connected with your article. I have dealt with depression my whole life, with some periods of self-destructive manic episodes. I was a serial dater, but never actually expected to get married. I didn’t want kids when I was young - I just focused on my career and trying to be happy with myself, which…

Thank you for writing this! I’ve never heard of anyone else who was brought up like this. In our family it was a little bit more weird—it was assumed that my sisters would get married and that I’d have a career, probably taking over our dad’s medical practice. That was symbolized by the fact that they each had queen…

I feel this so much, thank you for sharing! I’m 39 and after a divorce, depression, the death of my best friend, I’ve only just gotten to the point where I feel I have the belief in myself that I _could_ be a mother, which always stopped me before (I also think the alarm of my fertility is blaring and it’s hard to…

I feel like society doesn’t really produce the type of man who wants to be a primary caregiver. In the absence of that kind of guy, I’m personally better off childless.

Oh man reading that info at that link was tough but I so appreciate you sharing it. My parents were excellent providers but terrible at addressing emotional needs. Wow. I need a minute.

I read this when it was first posted and basically just cried. Hours later, I just feel this so much. I always loved babies and children but also never grew up with any illusions of what parenting actually is. My mother sacrificed her whole life for us while my dad worked full time at his job and then came home and…

I think your story, and stories like it, are really important to this discussion. I think the fertility industry has a party line that may not be entirely accurate. This article from the atlantic kind of debunks a lot of what we have been told over and over about the alleged age limit there is around making a baby.

Danielle, this is so good to read. I want to hug you while still conveying my thanks and admiration of this article. you are amazing and we’re here with you. Fuck corona (the virus not the beer) for tossing us in the deep end of existential regret.

Parental control of adult offspring is a real issue. I didn’t date until I owned a house with my own money. I was discouraged from marriage too, but I had enough miles of highway to form a sufficient barrier of independence.

This is quite timely as I’ve just talked to an OBGYN about fertility issues this week. I’m 35 and was pretty much never in a spot for kids before this (though for much more “of my own making” problems, mostly around not having enough money and a solid relationship.)

Why’d you have to go and expose me like that? I’m 41 and similarly lost my peak ‘child-bearing’ years to myriad mental health issues. Luckily I was able to cling on to a career that from the outside most people think of as “successful”, but the effort required to do that when grappling with (and concealing) anxiety,…

My story is really similar... I faced a lot of stability and mental health issues into my 30's. Ended up married at 36 and decided to try for a baby at 40 and I'm having my second now at 43. It's not always too late, anecdotally.

Thank you for writing this. I grieved over the loss of my fertility around age 40, even though I had not been particularly keen on having kids. And I kept that to myself, as everyone in my life believes that I “decided” not to to have children, and I don’t want to destroy that illusion. It’s bad enough being pitied…

Your article is beautiful and clearly struck me because I had to write this. I never wanted kids because I watched how it broke my mother and I refused to let that happen to me. I feel like I’m too aware of the realities of motherhood to jump on that landmine, maybe my genetics didn’t come with the rose-tint for babies…

I am the child of a woman and man who have several psychological issues, no education, no money and should not have had children. I’m happy to be alive, have two amazing children and have managed to avoid the pitfalls of their parenting but I can tell you life was not/is not easy. I started self-medicating at 15 to…

Thanks so much for writing this - I think you have and will touch a lot of women. I was right where you are but at the age of 45. Had suffered from depression on and off throughout my adult life but didn’t really get it under control until my 40s. I have dated on and off for years but, after being abused by my father…

I’m in the same boat at 41, fertility-wise and in completely lacking a parenting partner. I had a more useful gyno who, at my 35th birthday, began talking to me about “advanced maternal age” and egg-freezing and IVF options. I could have decided then to attempt a (likely fraught and expensive) pregnancy by myself, and…

I definitely related to the first part of this. For the past few years I’ve been trying to find the root cause of my lifelong singledom, and I can’t help but wonder if all the negative messages I received about dating as a kid from my parents have anything to do with it. I remember being in middle school and my mom…

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m 42 as well, and single, and struggling with the realization that children may no longer be an option for me. In my twenties, I did everything ‘right.’ I met the boy, I married the boy, I started on my path towards a career and a future that I thought would include…

I am mid 30s and running out the clock too. I have a feeling my uncertainty about kids is me stalling till I no longer have a choice in the matter. But damnit I refuse to rush into marriage and kids just to avoid regret later. I am waiting for the need and the drive like the way I’m driven by my career. Not to mention…