To me, it just looked as though he was dozing off.

Back when I lived across the street from Chuck Schumer, I was accustomed to the occasional police escort whenever the senator came home. The guy who had me half out the kitchen window onto the fire escape while fucking me, however, was not. Seeing a string of cars with flashing blue lights headed towards my building,…

Seriously, the bleached-to-hell hair! So fine, so limp. They looked like The Girls Next Door.

Thanks! I try.

Exactly! Friendships ARE complex, and none of us is perfect. People just like telling other people (especially internet steangers) what to do.

Wait, but what’s the point of a glory hole when the stall doesn’t even have a door? Isn’t a big part of the thrill the anonymity? Confused.

Also, how baller (sorry not sorry) was it of him to just keep on playing after that happened? The show must go on!

But Lenny seems to be handling it with humor and grace:

Hey Lauren, I don’t know when your wedding is. But that lovely Aimee gown is on sale for $1300 now, if you’re still shopping.

Thank you so much for identifying that! I’ve always wondered — though I don’t usually worry that something’s abnormal, I’m just always curious as to what something is for or what it’s called.

Exactly, he never appreciated her; he was never worthy of her. When I heard the news today I was thrilled, because she deserves better.

I know! I was casually seeing a guy who got married, and at least he had the sense to optimize his FB privacy settings. (I found out a few days later when a mutual acquaintance mentioned “his wife” in passing.)

But, but Jamie Dornan’s on The List! I’m allowed to marry Jamie Dornan, aren't I?! (Also, seriously, props to LiLo for getting on that early. An eye for talent, she's got.)

UpTICK? I see what you did there.

I’m sorry for your pain, but that sounds.... intriguing. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to get rearranged on the inside, but I do know what it feels like to knock up against the cervix, and I ...like it? Maybe I haven’t really experienced a teeth-rattling cervix bang? Because I thought it was awesome.

She did such a convincing impersonation of Russell Brand in Trainwreck that I honestly didn't realize it was her until the credits rolled.

I was never very good at getting the angles right, so I just had my boyfriend put it in for me. Bonus: no interruption in the action, as this amounted to him still playing with my parts.

Is this the case every day of your cycle? Because it's totally normal for your cervix to be lower and more easily reachable at certain times of the month.

I demand to see Trump’s birth certificate! I want to see what the ones they issue on Mars look like.

Oh that's horrible. Now I feel really bad about my stupid joke.