I keep getting her mixed up with Sookie Stackhouse.

Or which path taken to reach the nose holes!

Nope, she said she was Christian. But thanks for the witty dig.

I had an ex break up with me on the day of my best friend's dad's funeral. It was the best thing ever! Everyone — our friends, family, HIM — wanted me to marry him, but I had doubts about his character and was dragging my feet. It's fine if he got tired of waiting for me, but when he pulled that dick move with the…

When the sperm bank told me that my anonymous donor resembled Jude Law, I was extra disappointed when the inseminations didn't take. How could it be?That man is just so damned fertile!

The gift certificate story was also great (but Kinja seems to have eaten my edit to add that).

Which is why the Tim Horton's story was excellent and righteous. The others, however, were immature at best, vandalism at worst.

Don't "people on Twitter" have Google or Wikipedia?

I just thought it was a collaboration between three people who all have famously horrible exes. Maybe a support group with music therapy?

Funny, just yesterday I was listening to the Paul/Kanye/Rihanna song, and a few cars into the random train of thought that launched, I realized I couldn't remember the name of Macca's horrible ex-wife. And even after that recent thought, it still took me a moment to realize who this headline was about.

Oh god so many typos, noticed after too late to edit. While I'm kind of digging on Julua Stykes (wtf, autocorrect?), swapping "uprightness" for "uptightness" ... we'll wait, now that I think about it, she usually does also play someone who stands up for what's right, just in an uptight manner. Maybe autocorrect knows…

That video... I don't know what to say. I don't know what it is. I love that song and this sounds terrible and dissonant and flat and I should hate it but I can't stop smiling and giggling and WHAT THE FUCK, MARK?!

i just had to explain what Grey Gardens was to my dermatologist *today*.

Oh god I can't bear MLP. I find her annoying, grating, flat and unpleasant. And the way everyone always raves about her like she's the second coming just throws salt on the wound that is her.

I know, right?! I love my derm, and he me, apparently. (man, do you remember the golden age of plentiful Sephora samples?)

That's the exact same conversation we had today! But my derm had just given me two fistfuls of Epiduo samples because I'd given all of mine to an acne-afflicted teenager (and my insurance doesn't cover it), and he's gotten into the habit of charging me 1/2 price for my Botox (I don't know why, but I'm certainly not…

Dammit, I should have asked for samples.

This is so weird, my derm just recommended it to me today. I'd never heard of it before, and now twice in an afternoon!

You should have seen what I brought to dinner that night, Mark. Yarn for miles. (But I only took up one seat, jeez!)

Don't forget to thank Bush, who extended it by a month so we'd drive more and use more gas.