Seriously, your waitress is not responsible for providing medical care.

I. Love. It.

If your partner had a blood sugar crash- either they or you should have had glucose tabs on hand for that eventuality if the serious condishun was actually a serious condition. Honestly, what diabetic relies on waitresses to provide medical intervention?! Why would you just sit there and wait and wait and wait if it…

Exit Bag can be repurposed as a Death Penalty Bag. But maybe it’s too humane?

she had endangered the life of a diabetic by not even getting us a coke in a timely manner

Why not just tell them it’s “Tips Incourage Prompt Service”.

I actually assumed it had to do with the fact her face looks like a stuntmans knee and she seems like she’d smell like a pub rug... But perhaps that’s a tad harsh?

Why indeed.

Valtrax, Bumpits, sleeping-aid, ugly sunglasses companies?

I would also take on that terrible terrible burden. For the team, even. And I agree, it would be much more wearable on a necklace or tiara.

If I had to choose a “useless superpower” instead of a cool one- I’d choose the ability to see/locate jewels/precious metals.

I know, right?! That’s an aaaaaaaaaamazing diamond, even if it is entirely too large to actually wear. It would prevent you from doing anything easily; even laying on a silk divan and being fed peeled grapes or burning bales of cash. Nope, can’t today, I’m wearing The Ring.

Did your parents have any children that survived, bro?

certain kinds of people.

Wife Ghost- The Nagging Is Eternal.

Ugh, I can get behind avoiding shit like PineSol and straight bleach (lungs, y’all, they don’t need all them VOCs) but you’re right- the clean/safe products hardly work and usually leave a weird film in things... *slides all the Gain flavored cleaning products out of sight* (because my lungs like those VOCs.)