Update: Mike Tyson Elected Mayor of Toronto

Goodbye password123 and hello password321.

Is there a party you've been to that you haven't been the life of?

Yeah, I can't believe the NFL has been so lax about the FLYING FACE KICKING EPIDEMIC spreading around the league.

Fine.

I had put off mowing the law for a few weeks (I am around 16 years old at this time). I go to mow a particularly thick patch of grass when the mower makes this awful gargling noise and grinded to a halt.

My fiancé and I were spearing fish in the Bahamas last Thursday. She went down about 30 feet and speared a nice snapper, but was too tired to bring the fish up herself. So she came to the surface and I went down to get the fish. I brought the fish up and handed her the spear with the fish on it. As she was swimming…

I once fed a raccoon a pop tart while sitting at a bus stop. The dude just took pieces of it from my hand. That was a chill ass raccoon.

Stepped directly on a mouse when it literally ran under my shoe. It popped.

I think he was just scared that finger gun was real

+6 the other way

In related news, Giants fans mourn the passing of Eli Manning.

I wasn't going to post this, but Greg apparently creepshotted me and in general has organized his thoughts and arguments exactly like a middle school bully. So, the author, in his everyday wardrobe:

You're not cool Greg. Please correct this portion of your story.

You say "I am cool" so many times, it's almost like you're trying to convince yourself.

This is not what they mean when they talk about working your way up through the minors.

My wife also uses butthole when describing a "no-no."

That's what's known as a "Canadian gloryhole".

It seeks unspecified money damages.

This MUST be your first FF draft ..like ever..