“Am I having a good time? Oh my God, yes! Although I kind of don’t remember last night. I might have blacked out.”

Dude, we all celebrate your running prowess, but you gotta look up “casual” in the dictionary. That’s an 8:36/mile pace. If you are running a marathon in less than four hours, you are — by definition — more than a casual runner.

Oh you need a sick day? Well, our big data aggregator suggests that you are in fact healthy and that the request has a high correlation with the concert tonight. You still need a sick day?

Holy crap you just annoyed me enough to go through the effort of creating an account.