Upon hearing this latest news, the NFL now contests both Janay Rice and Adrian Peterson's son were high at the time of their respective abuse.

Why did it matter?

If you smoke marijuana, Tony Stewart will kill you.

If you had a drink 2 weeks ago, you aren't still impaired. Marijuana is the same way, just because it stays in your system way longer doesn't mean you are impaired for more than a few hours. The trace amounts of marijuana will likely be dragged out as a big deal though, because there's some insurance company somewhere…

So what you're saying is that rich people deserve two parking spaces, while us peons only deserve one? Like they're better people than everyone else? Seriously?

This is how you deal with asshats when you have an offroader

If you are parking in a remote spot in an unfilled lot, why park over two spots? If nobody is going to park next to you, what is the point?

As much as I love Lotuses (Loti?), I really hope for some half blind 90-something dude to plow right into the front corner of that Lotus while trying to park his 1970's Lincoln town car in the handicapped spot that he rightly deserves.

How about taking up two handicap spaces? That ought to go for the douche crown

Hummers fit in one space. The driver's ego takes up at least 3.

actually, when your truck is longer than one spot, no fowl on using two.

No car is allowed two spaces. Well maybe a Ferrari. For all the other cars safety in case of fire.

"Before feminist web vigilantes call for my defenestration,"

THOSE HARLOTS.

This was the point at which all of my "sociopath" alarms started going off.

...as long as you're not drunk.

I know, right? All those poor frat bros are just trying to have a wholesome, family friendly good time and then those wicked women show up and ruin it with their drunkenness and lewd behavior!

I would have gone to more frat parties if they had served lemonade and coffee cake.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THE SOUND OF ME GOBBLING DOWN ALL THESE NOTHING BURGERS.