That’s a wall street hedge if I’ve ever seen it

Duane Reade kindly requests that you stop name discriminating

I guarantee you that if the NFL eliminated weed from drug testing, they would lose less than 1% of its fanbase, and would grow more popular with everyone else. And, everyone would completely forget about it after a year, except for the players, whose bodies will greatly benefit from it. The league thinks so short…

He realizes he needs unpaid African-Americans to want to attend Notre Dame to have his football team win, otherwise he’ll lose his job because of a decline in fundraising $, right? Anyone recruiting against Notre Dame is licking their chops over using these quotes

And most importantly: grow the fortune

+1 permanently broken collarbone, and +1 permanently broken back 

Campaign strategists, as well as right wing radio hosts, are attempting argue w/ statisticians on Twitter as to why self-selected polls where you can vote multiple times, are more knowledgable than a blind, random sample.

Republicans: “Fuck Your Safe Spaces”

Those are definitely good points. It really is amazing how nationalistic certain people/groups have become, and how it’s CONSTITUTIONAL FREEDOMS, unless you’re own rights might be violated.

I say this with no jest: it’s a good thing that the smart people are in charge, and the dumb people are just noise here

Not to mention Flynn, Giuliani, Christie, Ephystein, Stepien, Gingrich, Ailes, and co. You literally have to be a candidate for worst human ever to be allowed to work for him

The only valid self-defense is if you pee on the kid

Sounds like the second half of your year was much better

One of my roommates my senior year of college only played “Sweet Nothings” by Calvin Harris, no matter if it was a hungover 10am Saturday, or a pregame. He also couldn’t name a Beatle, and had never heard of Hendrix before. Needless to say, he’s closer to 30 than to college, and still lives in Murray Hill

What made you trip harder during your dreams, pre-Jesus jam bands, or post-Jesus gospel?

I cried. Not ashamed in the least way

+1 noble peace prize awarded to Sepp Blatter

Hanging fire hazards get set on fire? Color me shocked

missed the whole game, any brief synopsis of some bad moves?

When the stampede ends in a death or two, who will they blame? God? Jesus? Oh right, RGIII