without regular murder of people for selling cigarettes, how can civilization be expected to endure

Is it just me, or does this make about as much sense as parents grounding a kid for failing school, and to get back at them the kid mows the lawn and takes out the garbage...

If you can’t murder people while violating department policy without losing your job a half decade later, what is even the point of being a public servant?

Fire them for insubordination.

“I challenged him to come to my home, and call me a bed bug in front of my family. It would be a very cool affair. I would simply ask him to look my children straight in the eye, spit on them, and call me a bed bug. Afterword, my wife would make a lovely meal, we would call up our extended family and gather round, to…

He’s at least putting in an effort on blinking, holy shit

Takes you two days to drink a fifth?

Hey.

Communism isn’t the only thing other than capitalism.

Meanwhile, people in Brazil (including El Presidente) are firmly denying the fact that the Amazon is on fire. There is no fire. We’ve always been at war with East Asia.

The only acceptable capitalism is unfettered.  Any fetters turns capitalism into socialism.

You’re calling for a global communist revolution?

Team Yellowstone Supervolcano! Is the YSV Republican, or Dem? It’s in deep red Wyoming, yes, but Jackson Hole is kind of a liberal bastion. Ah, fukkit — kill us all. Now. Please. Before Jeff Flake announces.

Also, what has he done to his children that the only way to end a tantrum is by providing a beef product? 

Dear Mike Deering (cattle rancher and the executive vice president of the Missouri Cattlemen’s Association), absolutely NO ONE believes you are doing the grocery shopping, much less in the company of your cranky toddlers, so fuck the fuck off with your idiotic story about how easy you are to trick into buying…

Joe Walsh to primary Trump.

Alright everyone, Ruth watch is in full effect. Don’t panic, this is what we’ve trained for. I’ll send the spreadsheet around, everyone sign up for shifts. Your job is to remove as much stress from that woman’s life as possible, make sure she takes any medications, take notes for her, eats, stays hydrated, whatever…

“Better 100 innocent people be executed than one guilty man be spared!”

Sometimes, saying you can’t buy it really means you can!

“Sir, this is Arby’s.”