I hope you wake up to a better week!

Did you cry? How was it?

Crap!! But, this is a good reminder for me, because sometimes I use my teeth like that, too.

Failure to serve adequate dessert should be at least a misdemeanor.

Darn, I was kind of hoping for some rampant speculation, too, but everyone is being so diplomatic.

I’m so glad this wasn’t a “sliced my hand off” story.

With both of these breakups, I just want to react with a vindictive HA! in each of their faces separately. What does that say about me, man?

Bravo!

We broke up/but it was civil/a bad breakup song/would just be drivel. *oah oah oah*

It was the hair.

I wouldn’t sit through a JT residency show unless it featured extended appearances from JC, Lance, Chris, and Joey. By extended appearances, I mean the entire show.

Wait, sorry. I get what you’re saying. Semantics, man (or is it linguistics?). I don’t know. I’m tired.

Fish also can’t talk.

I’d call him Party Door, to be more formal. Next is like his middle name, yes?

For years, I’ve hated frosting tubs on principle. No, not just on principle. I hate the way they taste. I haven’t tried Duncan Hines’s frosting tubs, though. I’ll consider it, Peeps. I’ll consider it.

Nice! The other day, some turd told me his two month old was sleeping from 6pm to 1am, then 1am to 6am. I told him to go to hell.

Please give me your favorite vanilla frosting recipe. Thank you very much. Amen.

I don’t have to imagine it. It is a bitter cup, indeed.

Elope, then have a small party later.

He pees in the pool. Unforgivable.