You’re delusional! He looks like Corey Feldman dressed up as Scott Disick but couldn’t find a shirt in his size.

it’s the shoe tassels that bother me the most.

Well guess what Kris... Her transition isn’t about you!

It depends on the battlefield, doesn’t it? And how the participants are chosen? If the participants aren’t chosen randomly, and if the battlefield is urban, I have to go with the cities with the highest murder rates. The smart money would be on DC, Baltimore, Chicago, and Detroit.

Tell me that’s not a thing.

True, it's not a Seahawks diss track unless Everett and Tacoma are involved.

I want to see Sherman and Wilson spend a day together. Some kind of reality show.

What passes for poetry these days gives me a migraine.

And I always felt like I was the Queen of Hearts but you don’t see me trying to behead people left and right. Please keep that in mind if the police talk to you. I have no idea how those heads got there.

Seriously, I only follow the NFL anymore so I can understand all the jokes in Magary’s columns.

If you believe lying and actively concealing the truth are one in the same, it’s pretty amazing that ESPN fired Bill Simmons for calling Goodell a, “liar” when this piece - which I love - essentially proves just that. What a colossally messed up league the NFL is.

That’s because at this point the actual game sucks. I haven’t seen a regular season game in 3 years and only one Superbowl in that time.

Yep. Sounds more like the owners are starting to organize outside Goodell. This is how you force someone out without the spectacle of firing them.

So Goodell wanted to get back at the Pats... by making himself look like he was in their pocket, abusing the powers of his office to protect them?

BREAKING: PRETTY MUCH WHAT MOST PEOPLE ALWAYS ASSUMED APPARENTLY TRUE

Was stealing playsheets and rummaging hotel rooms for playbooks also allowed before 2007? I’m uncertain, enlighten me.

good lord. has any sports league ever been less about the actual game itself? i dont even need football at this point in my life, i can just skip the 19 or so weeks of games and still have and 30+ weeks of stupid decision making and millionaire egomaniacs to keep me more than entertained.

You missed the joke, homes.