I don’t have any good poop stories, but my dad was a Marine for 30 years and had some good ones. One of the first I remember him telling me was when he was about to take his first jump in a parachute. Just as they started pushing guys out the door he felt something pushing out his backdoor. He clenched down tight. …

So you want to marry an idiot who uncontrollably shits herself then decides the proper course of action is to go to lunch at Chili’s before taking a shower?

One time, I was running while holding a corn snake

When I was 10 I clogged the employee toilet at OshKosh B’Gosh. I wasn’t running or anything, I just like telling that story. Poop got on the floor.

To be fair to Francesa, this is the worst thing any coach has ever done at Penn State.

Psh does this look like a man with a weak arm?

Humor is how I cope with the injustices in the world, how dare you.

It’s not that hard. The one defining feature of the American racist is how defensive they get when you bring up racism.

So the Red Sox are still stealing signs then?

If only there were a quarterback out there who, after biding his time on the bench, took over a team with a stacked defense and got to the Super Bowl. But those guys aren’t just available at this point of the season, right?

Uh, I absolutely can eat a whole pint of ice cream. like, full fledged dark chocolate salted caramel ice cream from the local ice cream shop, in about half an hour.

You must have large, muscular forearms, what from pulling up so hard on those bootstraps of yours.

Yeah, please fuck off forever. I’ve lived through catastrophic natural disasters. People need to eat and drink clean water. Christ, go jerk yourself off with Atlas Shrugged again, you wretched piece of shit.

I hope you drown in a highly localized flood.

Go directly to hell, you absolute nightmare of a person.

So she’s just going full Conner4Real now? Can’t wait until she releases her 2017 gay marriage anthem and gets upstaged by Cardi B on her tour.

I think it’s great that the new Taylor is willing to stand up for herself by holding grudges and getting even with people who made her the victim. It’s really groundbreaking territory for her lyrics.

I really hope she beefs with Beyoncé at some point so Twitter is nothing but venomous bees and snakes. Like Australia.

We call it RoundPuck up here.

dont see the big deal the gloves do all the work