Ah yes, well I will set it up for you better. There are five of us in line at a grocery store.

Something tells me the conversation and reaction to all of this would be preeeetty different if the anti-vaxxers currently spreading horrible diseases around the country were poor and brown instead of rich and white. Instead of "personal belief exemptions" we'd have kids getting ripped from their parents by CPS,…

Oh, please - if Mrs. Obama had worn a scarf, FOX would have gone apeshit and called her a Muslim.

Honestly it's shit like this that makes me go, "Death penalty? Meh. I'll allow it."

That's enough internet for today. I'm out. Good bye y'all, I'll remember you all in therapy.

👏👏👏

"I hate it when the president uses teleprompters but you can bet I'll blame one I was using when everyone says I'm a lunatic!"

Team Cat Heaquarters Here,

Same. I get the "you are SO tan what is your secret?" "Being birthed from a brown lady" is usually my response.

"I really hate to be that guy and to stick up for coffee latte lady"

And what time is Maaaaatlock coming on!?

Damn youths, smoking their Molly and moving their hands in front of the face part of my body! How dare they! Get off my lawn! Where am I?

There are people who think masturbation in a relationship constitutes cheating. Most of us refer to those people as "complete fucking lunatics."

Typically I just yell "Last one to finish does the dishes" and make it a race.

Thank you for the support, and good luck with your new little one. May he/she bring you all the happiness the lady up top describes, and none of the insanity I fear on a daily basis.

Oh God, the food. I have a goddaughter, she is in the "chew for 5 seconds then spit it in Aunt Burner's hair" phase. I got in trouble with her parents last week because we were all having dinner and she did that, rubbed food in my hair, so I chewed up a piece of squash and stuck it to her bald spot. Apparently that's…

having a kid will not make you suddenly love doing those chores you hate either. At no point as a mom do I do laundry while thinking "oh it's so worth it!" with an idiotic grin plastered across my face. Also, cleaning up my son's half chewed food makes me whole-body shudder. You go on with your bad self, and enjoy…

My mom passed on this bit of wisdom to me early: whisper in your baby's ear that if she wakes up in the middle of the night, she should call for Daddy.

As a new mother, I fully endorse and support your life choice, and I'm very happy for you.

This is the article about motherhood that I found most life-affirming this week: https://medium.com/human-parts/yo…