The greatest creative of them all: the person who invented creative as a noun and actually got dullards to use it.

Fair enough if Reese Witherspoon were in this movie and not Renee Zellweger.

It’s almost like 16 is greater than 1

“He’ll be a valued member of our secondary when he gets out in 2034 at age 59, of course by then my scrambled brain will have outlived my body and been placed in one of them ED-209 dealee-bobs from Robocop” — Jerry Jones

(Law and Order DUN DUN music cue)

I’d hate to be a low-level Univision acquisitions due diligence drone right about now.

I forget all the machinations that went into one of the most laughably inadequate plea deals I’ve ever seen, at least this case is a reminder for us Law & Order-level criminal attorneys that the judge is free to chuck that shit in the trash can.

It’s just like that pro-East German docudrama Top Secret! with its Skeet Surfin’ and thin Val Kilmer.

Three people whose name I recognize but haven’t been leads in a decade, nobody else in the cast I recognize, first time director and writers... this may have a trailer but a theatrical release may be unlikely, or at least highly tailored to evangelicals or a direct-to-streaming/DVD release.

But did they discover all four Pokemon

Who wants to hear MY dreary, useless anecdote supplementing this article? Please throw rotten vegetables, I’ll take that as a ‘yes’

If you were a true solipsist you wouldn’t even bother to proffer advice to others, others don’t really exist but as some extension of your own ego.

It also measures happiness and dropping below the threshold of happiness one should have after ingesting a Happy Meal results in painful electric shocks which paradoxically creates further unhappiness.

Finally, I was about to break this news in the comments to those dreary, dreary wildfire and flood stories.

“Mom, I got a job!”

Can’t wait until this is a 21-part original Netflix series in 2019.

Her name is Rio and she’s boosted all my stuff

NOOZ YOU CAN YOOZ

I mean if the NFL is punishing him for gambling, here’s a news flash, not really in the league any more, fellas.

As my Grandpa Merle used to say, ol’ Kurt’s about as edgy as a billiard ball.