Your team: The Washington Racists.

Honestly, I would be suspicious of anyone who could work for this team while sober.

This is a good way to start a Friday ^_^ thanks for the interview article.

Can they go back to showing Strongman competitions over night again? And other weirdo sports. Those were the best days of ESPN.

My wife won a free bag of laundry service on our first cruise. When the staffer handed her the bag, he whispered: “Roll up your clothes before you put them in. You’ll be able to fit more.” Neither of us had heard this advice before (thanks random Norwegian Cruise Line dude!), when we found out how effective it was I…

I think the ATF targeted the wrong compound...

Worst “Buy for Quality” decision is easy: My wife.

In about ten years, Berman will simply be an amorphous skin puddle, emitting vague noises and grunts.

God, I loved that bit more than anything ever on Deadspin. Hilarious? LIKE NICHOLSON GIVING POLANKSI A ROMAN HELMET! Sexy? LIKE NICHOLSON GIVING FAYE DUNAWAY A ROMAN HELMET!

I really miss Robert Evans spot from this column. He should be brought back.

I think in a time of our nation where healing is so needed, we owe it to our children and to the world to change the national anthem to Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy.”

Remember kids: the first person Manning kissed after the Super Bowl was Papa Fucking John.

But women never lie about domestic violence! We’re supposed to just assume the man did it, condemn him in social media, and ruin his life because the woman said he did it! Fuck due process and waiting for evidence to come out before we pass any personal judgments! He’s an NFL player, and it’s just easier for me to…

Go to hell! Triscuts are clearly the best.

The fact that she thought a domestic violence charge would end a career in the NFL is hilarious....

The only reason to go to South Carolina is to purchase fireworks that go more than 3 feet off the ground, which are illegal here because the North Carolina state legislature is too busy protecting us from the gays to allow any sort of fun within the borders of our fair state.

There’s no respect any more for being straight and white in this country.

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

Man, I hope those fans never go to a race with a scanner. Drivers and crew members will weave a tapestry of obscenities that will probably burn their gentle ears clean off their heads. Dale Jr. and Truex are not to be missed.