Schreer also specified to have the "sad piano version" play at his funeral as they cut to commercial.

Do you want the whole state to secede, or just those 10% loudmouths that don't know shit about anything, and constantly bitch and whine about the federal government?

Dallass , Texass. Home of the Cowboys

80% of Papa Ginos pizza is consumed by children and their parents at birthday parties. (The other 20% is eaten by divorced dads and their visiting children.)

See? Look how badass this Challenger looks WITHOUT A FRONT PLATE. (I'm looking at you, arcane Texas plate laws.)

Gatti's is the best of those three. I assume you live in Central Texas, since you're including it on your list. If you live in Austin, you should checkout Jets Pizza—it's a Detroit chain that just expanded to down here. It's fucking incredible. Get the square, deep dish. Also, Marcos Pizza is quality, delicious chain…

...or not

Now, them Duke boys had never had no trouble runnin' shine through Clanton, but they ain't never seen a blizzard whiter than the bleached sheets on mama's line. They knew they weren't in Hazzard anymore, so they fixed on followin' a Challenger as big as a Charger through that there mess of a squall. But that…

That sounds amazing...I hope there's something like that near my city!

Here's a similar month-by-month chart featuring depression levels of Houston Texans fans.

And while you're on the subject. death to Chuck e Cheese.

Way to go, Greg. This should set race relations back another 50 years.

I just want a Photoshop Contest with the picture of Drew and Welkah. Make it happen the powers that be at Deadspin. Thanks.

There are few things as disappointing as turning the radio on and realizing it's APHC time. This skit would be better if it were a live taping of TAL or something.

Um yeah, Ari Shapiro duh. And Ira Glass of course.

I love NPR but I all-caps HATE a Prairie Home Companion. It is the worst.

If you've ever had the conversation about who your NPR crush is and your NPR nemesis, you're one of my people.

I'm going to use the comments for a brief and unapologetic fan letter. Deal with it.

Hey asshole, it's a job. We have workplace regulations and wage laws for everyone. Regardless of what that job is.

A friend of mine was an NFL cheerleader. She quit to be a dancer in a cage in a casino because the pay was better and the work was less degrading. I wish I were making this up.