Did George Washington get a tip when he crossed the Delaware!?! Did ‘Murica get a tip for saving Europe’s ass after Dubya Dubya Too?!?! Did Jesus Christ get a tip for dying for your sins!!!!!????

Crossed with...

If you get 10 more stars, does some annoying bot send a congratulatory message?

For reals. It’s one thing to bowl over a 5 year old or a handicapped kid for a ball that is up for grabs, but catch it clean and it’s all yours. Now of course, if you’re with a lady friend and want to increase the chance of sexy times by stoically tossing it to some kid...

I am not bald, but had to shave the head for basic training back in the day and I have literally felt your pain.

OMG! SHOULDA VOTED YES FOR THAT UNION!!! RETALIATION, SCAB!!

Das seksis.

Oh no no my friend. I’m talking 12 years old in my bare feet in the middle of a cold winter night walking down a pitch black hallway to take a piss and stepping full on into a gargantuan pile of dog crap deposited in the middle of the hallway with a consistency halfway between chocolate pudding and thick mud. Somehow…

If you think people have forgotten very quickly when it comes to Jordan, you’re crazy. This is probably one of the very few spaces where you’ll actually see somebody entertain the thought that MAYBE the gap between James and Jordan isn’t as wide as everybody thinks. Post this at ESPN, and the gutter that is the ESPN…

You’ve never tried Snow? PREPARE TO BE INFORMED!!!

I’ll see your fresh cat puke and raise you cold dog shit. And anybody complaining about Legos has yet to experience the unique foot torture that is stepping on a die-cast Thomas and Friends train.

PFTCommenter can officially retire.

“Bu-bu-but I live inside the Beltway!!!”

Sorry, but you don’t get to claim you’re DC just because you live in the part where a bunch of racist ass slaveowners demanded retrocession. In fact, Arlington and Alexandria residents pretending they are DC is about as NoVa as it gets.

IT’S ABOUT ETHICS IN FALLING THROUGH GRATES JOURNALISM!!!!

WHICH METRO STOP TAKES US TO THE NATIONAL ZOO!! [stares at farecard machine likes it’s a fucking Calculus problem]

List of DC Residents’ Worst Fears:

WHY THE HECK DOES AUSTRALIA GET ALL THE CREDIT!!!

Jokes on Janet Gretzky too:

...and then he’s assassinated by the Ecumenical Liberation Army and OTL is replaced by the Mao Tse Tung Hour?