I’ve gotten COTD a couple times in the past, but after several Kinja migrations I am stuck in the greys. Heck, an essay once won me a trip with Gizmodo sponsored by Heineken. That was a fucking blast.

Just like the calendar.  

Something tells me she would disagree. 

Nah, I bet that record belongs to the guy banging your wife.

Ummm. It should absolutely matter. The money damages aren’t solely punitive, but are also compensatory.

Is a strong negotiator as he offers no conceessions.

You know what else shows that Philly fans are assholes?  The person filming this pushing some guy that has walked past him as if he were still blocking his view.  Fucking c’mon.  

I like to redline my diesel at 5000 RPMs.  

From Walmart for deal, but it’s sold out.  Amazon is 3x as much.  

From Walmart for deal, but it’s sold out.  Amazon is 3x as much.  

And how did he do at the Red Light Green Lights?

I’d argue all the worst people enjoy Dave (but not just the worst). I don’t believe enough people understand how deeply he thinks about everything and those that don’t understand respond to his fame and his talent, but absolutely miss his actual grasp on the topics his punchlines overshadow for most.

BMW Just Broke My Heart

That doesn’t appear to be the only pane broken.  If you look up top it looks like he or maybe another monkey that taught him broke another pane first.  

Just a terrible punster then?

Last year the DEF system in my 2011 335D failed to transfer any fluid from the large tank to the smaller tank. So the car thought there wasn’t any fluid and refused to start. Luckily, there was extended coverage on the system and it was remedied by BMW.

But did they add the bullet proof tires?

If that’s too boring for you then I have a fence you can paint.  

Man, I am getting real tired of these milled-face wheels.  

Man, I didn’t even have to read the article to know that ain’t right.  

Well, I never drove a 60's muscle car.