Well, clearly the top critics are just part of a massive patriarichal conspiracy and/or unduly influenced by the 4chan crowd

Yes, Rotten Tomatoes certifies a movie as Fresh when they get 80 or more reviews from professional critics and at least three out of four of those critics (so at least 75%) have a positive review. Roughly three out of four professional critics think the new Ghostbusters film is worth the ticket price.

Yes. Rotten Tomatoes collects reviews by critics, who get to see the movie at early screenings. This is different from other review websites that allow people who have not seen the movie and are not professional critics to skew the ratings

Made your bathroom smell horrible though

No no no, you don’t understand. The D’Bari can’t time travel, only their urine can, and only if they eat their special time traveling asparagus.

Right, it must really burn them that all the agents of the matriarchy are pretending to like the movie and have gotten it certified fresh by Rotten Tomatoes.

Right, the problem is though that all those kids who love the new Ghostbusters and have their hearts warmed by it will someday develop time machines and come back on a single minded mission to ruin the childhoods of all of us who love the originals.

Good point. Back in 1984 there was no one more badass and credible as an evil spirit fighter than Dan Aykroyd. I mean who came up with the brilliant idea that Ghostbusters is a comedy and should have comedians in it and not an action epic like Die Hard? Such bullshit.

Whoa, that came out of left field, but I’d buy it. We know very little about the D’Bari. They may well have had time traveling asparagus technology and they may well have been twisted enough to try to get revenge on a nigh omnipotent space god who dispassionately ate their sun by pissing on every grandmother in the…

Man, the internet MRAs must have been pissed last night when the new Ghostbusters movie was officially certified fresh by Rotten Tomatoes.

The good news is that this particular reboot is apparently not nearly as bad as the Total Recall and Robocop remakes. Apparently its actually pretty good, largely because instead of taking an old movie and trying to remake it, they took some of the concepts from the old movie and tried to make their own thing.

Time traveling asparagus. That creates a time traveling urine stream. That goes back and time and soaks you and your grandmothers every time you tried to hang out with them as a child.

Right, because now that the new movie is out, nobody can watch the old ones or even remember them. Forever, people like us who grew up on the original Ghostbusters will be unable to recall anything about the franchise but the latest movie. This will taint all of our memories of growing up.

and the fact that my parents loved me enough to buy many of the shiny toys of the time

I mean, to be fair, if there are only two things that would get me to consider paying to see a Michael Bay film:

A. The only other movies showing are directed by Zack Snyder (and I can’t just go home or take a nap in the bathroom at the theater for some reason)

Uhh, cause that’s the definition of awesome bro

ok merriam webster

coming from someone whose name implies a well developed penchant for snack foods, that is quite a complement op

Honestly? The 9 year old me who gleefully put his school lunch spaghetti on his school lunch white bread in the 90s would probably love to eat this.

Ok, time to start speculating wildly on how they are going to bring Bruce Banner back within the next couple years (maybe in time for the next Thor movie, almost certainly in time for Avengers: Infinity War). Here’s my pitch: