At some point in history my kids got possession of fake dog shit that looks troubling real. They use it often and it has been an April Fool's staple in the past. This morning I went into the bathroom and saw it on the floor, Ha Ha real original guys. It was only after I'd picked it up with my bare hand I realized…

Disney is in works with Kevin Costner to bring you that story.

I doubt Demott would have purposely tried to injure any of his wrestlers. If anything it sounds like he was helping them heel.

because racecar

They also didn't show Horatio Sanz from his short stint, and supposedly a few others (I think I heard they showed 19 of the 23 people who anchored at least one "Update").

... he rushed her to the hospital.

I'm 31. This has been such a huge part of my life. This kills me.

oh I hate you because you made me laugh so hard!

That's incredible. I didn't realize that Sammy Sosa was on Saved by the Bell.

because he gained weight, you see

Did Belding eat Screech & Lisa?

The perverts up by the stage would be, I suppose, venture fapitalists?

Hold on Barry, you actually expect me to believe that the NFL knew about a problem and failed to act on it?

Westbrook responded, 'It went well. It was a white guy this time, which considering the judicial system we have in this country, is a pretty rare thing. So that was cool. They also didn't botch the drug combo, so the guy didn't lie on the gurney suffering for an hour before he died. So all in all, I have to say the…

When Bill Bellichick heard the news of this report earlier tonight, he promptly fired the team's equipment manager for failing to do his fucking job right by not under-inflating that 12th goddamned football.

Being a man of persistence and determination, I refuse to see a romantic gesture as failed until I see a copy of the restraining order.

I have it on good authority from a source that the reason he didn't fly to New England is because at the airport, every time the TSA agent tried to pat him down he fell down to the ground backwards.

Yet another Cowboy able to trample over someone and not get penalized today.

Big thanks to Michael Irving for trying to complete each phrase as they're being said like he's solving goddamn Wheel of Fortune.

I suggest wiping that abomination from your mind and staring longingly at the recently released Masterpiece Bumblebee instead.