that story almost brought me to tears <3 the things you learn you didn’t realize about your parents growing up are so powerful sometimes.

Sooooo many stories from my powerful and intense and difficult and deeply loving mom... but I think the best story about her is her own. I’ve struggled to reconcile some of our differences over the years, but I remain deeply in awe of the woman who raised me.

My mom’s life story is objectively amazing: the daughter of…

This is just a great story.

This is sort of more of a burn on myself, but...

Me to boss: I’m going to become an aunt!
Boss to me (he knows I am married): Are you going to, you know, join the club?
Me to boss: No. I’m chubby and I’m married, but the two are not connected.

"read and act out Song of Solomon 7:1-10" wow o wow o boy

"Fifty Shades of Fire Service Leadership" is so hilariously out of touch that it is BY FAR my favorite

plans for this movie: get drunk with 8-10 other women friends and then descend en masse into this shitshow

I quit an office job at a moribund nonprofit in a spectacularly unprofessional way. Basically, my boss asked how I was doing in the job, and I blurted, "I hate this job!" and started weeping. I'd been quietly seething for months, and failed to conceal it in the office's close quarters - I was one of 3 non remote…

I'M VERY CONFUSED ABOUT THIS CPR THING

"Depressingly common" is right. I appreciate that Camille Cosby is in an unbelievably difficult and painful position, but it was easier to empathize before she smeared 20+ alleged victims.

everybody wants to be friends with adultosaur

mmm show that sternum grrrrlllll

GAH she is a wingéd cyborg

so congress is instating militant vegetarianism in the united states? because if we're not allowed to kill things that feel pain (with pain capacity as a defining legal trait), there's a glaring inconsistency there. CONSIDER THE LOBSTER, WON'T YOU, HORRIBLE SENATORS?

but jia i didn't know i was dominican because everyone in my life told me i was jewish

omg his voice + smile makes my toes curl
although cherry limeade yugh

I'm surprised that literally none of these ended with the death of a mother-in-law.

So much for the Harvard fight song, "10,000 men of Harvard gained vict'ry today." I guess if you define "day" as "around 27 years" (and "vict'ry" as "banging a lady," which, obvs) it could work...

It disturbs me that even after reading these, I'm still just hungry for delicious sausages.

bahahaha this is fucking golden