I’m a scientist, so I constantly have to convert back and forth between the metric system and freedom units.

Anderson, my sweet, gentle, silver-haired prince.

The Full Freddie

He is the worst for other reasons, but she took off her top and she has breast implants. Come on. Do you really think she was offended? She was prancing around topless. And I say this as someone who is a sex-worker.

Please. She took her top off in the middle of hosting a live tv show. Her tits were fair game. There is nothing offensive about what he said.

“Wow, what is in that cup?” Anderson asked quietly.

I love that people have been turning that first picture into works of art:

No. But this is ;)

.....just another night in Florida...

Yeah, nothing like Portland. Now that place is a real problem. It rains vicious alligators there. 365 days a year.

We do the same thing in Seattle by telling everyone it rains here all the time. So much rain, all the time, you pretty much have to swim to work 365.

All of you realize that none of this shit really goes down in Florida. We just have a really good PR person who drops these bombshells to protect our beachfront life styles from invading hordes of wannabes.

Dear terrible parents, If you have babies and don’t want them, please contact me. I have space for three and every intention of changing diapers, feeding regularly, and generally giving a crap.

Florida.

Or like a cross to a Vampire. “The power of Pork compels you!”

Hey Jim-Bob? Did you done did skin a mouse and hang it on my door?

So we can troll jesus freaks and nothing happens, but apprently mocking these jesus freaks is a hate crime.

Great. Can I wrap a used tampon around the door to a gun shop?

“He didn’t do anything. If he really cared he would have created the movies himself.”