Works for guys too.. if you know what I mean ;)

I like big mumps and I cannot lie

My mumps

Bowser is to Mario what Pete is to Mickey Mouse. He's as much of an antagonist as the situation calls for, and will even be non-antagonistic if needed.

If you hit someone's car and drive off, you deserve to have the living shit beaten out of you. Just a month ago I saw a chick hit a brand new SUV at a parking lot and leave. Too bad for her I was parked right across with my dash cam recording, which later was passed to a cop.

Missing one step isn't all that bad. Patrick Kane missed all 12 of them.

Scut Farkus hasn't aged a bit since Ralphie beat him down.

Looks like a Ford Fusion to me.

All new Audi Genesis. Oops.

An interesting take on the Coca-Cola thing: How many kids today know what a Zippo is? OK, what about a Ronson? The latter, like Zippo, made lighters and lighter accessories. I was flipping through a book from the 60s about brands and advertising (I'm weird like that) and it said something like "The most recognized…

Via Demon-Xanth

I actually WANT to be on Third Grade Twitter. It is several notches, intellectually, above grown up Twitter.

Technically I'm the life-saver here, but sure give the big guy the credit and oily magazine shots. I'm used to getting shit on and seeing my life's work flushed down the toilet...

Dennis as Star Lord.

Holy crap. So many planets of female life forms for him to use the D.E.N.N.I.S. system on.

yesss!

I'll just leave this here:

I left my dog in the car one night as I went to the store quick. I came back to some teenage fuckfaces harassing my dog, so I used the alarm button instead of flying into a rage and trying to beat the shit out of teenagers who would have probably turned the tables on me.

I'm not sorry.