I think it’s obvious to say don’t bring the trolls out of the greys.

Okay, I feel horrible for saying this, but doesn’t the header picture make her look a lot like Ted Cruz? Or am I tripping?

My parents were a great couple (before and after kids) but spectacularly shitty co-parents. I spent many sleepless nights as a 6-14yo wishing they’d divorce already.

Advice from someone who thinks The Secret is real, y’all. And therefore believes in the Just World fallacy and that people earn their own unhappiness through “negative energy” or some fuckery.

Source: Me. My son was less than 2 months old when I left my ex-husband. I was about 7 months pregnant when I found out he was having an emotional affair with a coworker of ours. I moved in with my in-laws, who knew the reasons behind our split.

I was traumatized by my parents’ failure to get a divorce when they were obviously deeply unhappy, and yet I completely agree with you. Whether this couple remains together or ultimately gets divorced, they’re going to be coparenting a child, which means they absolutely need to hash out their issues in therapy. One…

1. He has no self esteem

2. She is aware of #1 and has convinced him that they are dating when really she sleeps with him occasionally and then goes to live with her husband or boyfriend or whoever.

It’s not a dependent relationship, she’s using him for money and cheating on someone.

He may or may not be a prize, but she’s walled off big sections of her life while relying on him financially, and it doesn’t sound like he likes her that much. He can get a health check and ditch his girlfriend too.

Seriously, Jane is great at some stuff but that was terrible advice. She’s somebody I would absolutely be friends with IRL but I’d always be “Oh girl, NO” whenever she tried to give advice. I don’t think I’ve read a single column of Ask Jane yet that hasn’t made me angry. :(

My thoughts exactly. I was 25 to my now-husband’s 40, and I was adamant about splitting everything right down the line until we had been together well over two years. It was extremely important to me that we didn’t inadvertently create some sort of dependent relationship.

I dunno. He says short tempered. I’m hearing that 70% of the time he doesn’t even respond to his own name.

Yes. My husband never told her about me for awhile... He was lying to everyone. Then he was forced to. She was upset, blah blah blah.... but then she said she didn’t care and they carried on anyways. I felt bad for her until she became a willing and active participant. You never know what the other person knows.…

Nah. She knows he has a pregnant wife. And she chose to keep carrying on with him. Anything LW sends to her isn’t going to be received by an empathetic and kind person, mark it.

what the f kind of advice did you give to question 1

One approach I’ve used with great success is sending out an email to friends letting them know I’m available for fix-ups—

Word to all of this.

Dear “Sorry, but I don’t have a funny name for this very long question”, 

My dude, why did you start paying the bills for someone who (allegedly) lives with their parent?? I was 21 when I started dating my now husband when he was in his mid 30s. I wouldn’t even let him chip in for dog food until we were nearly 2 years in. It is was very important to me that I be completely independent…

The amount of time that affair continued, along with the lengths he went to to cover it up tell me one thing: He won’t stop. He sounds messed up. You sort of have to be to carry something on like that for so long. My husband carried on a affair for a long time and eventually came clean to me. He also has some…

LW3: whatever it is you may be getting out of this arrangement, it’s not a real, healthy relationship if you have to walk on eggshells with her the whole damn time. Set yourself free and find someone who loves you and doesn’t act like a caged animal.