I’ve been listening to Everything But The Girl during my commute ... simpler days, man.

Oh Goopy, you’re not that relevant.

I ran into Kyra Sedgwick in Chinatown one day; we were approaching each other on the sidewalk and I looked at her, trying to place her face. I had that moment where I thought I knew her. She broke out into this big smile which made me smile, and just as we passed I realized OMG IT’S KYRA SEDGWICK.

Quick question: was the lipstick Makeup For Ever? They held the license on 50 Shades. If so, I think you were treated to the amazing MUAs from MUFE.

That’s how I first learned to take it. Tea and whisky for croup ftw.

That was my 10 year old take. Like, why is she marrying an old fat guy with a sloppy beard? Ugh.

Oh shit. I’m so angry for you. Like, I want her name and I want to adopt you as my little sister. Jesus.

So our Mum was obsessed with Little Women and named me Amy (MY NOSE IS FINE) and my sister Megan. Megan changed her name in high school to avoid her literary fate (no joke). I’m still Amy and still rebelling against family pointing out ALL THE WAYS I’m similar to the original vain Amy.

In our family, it’s whisky for everything. It works. You just need a dash of water to make it go down easy.

My Mum got pregnant with an IUD in place. She says when my sister was born, she came out holding it in her hand.

Brad, she’s not coming back. You may as well get up now.

Same.

With primer, it’s one quick coat. Don’t layer it. And then use mascara to build.

Tubing mascara. Another good one to try is BLINC. You can cry and rub and it’s easy to apply. Congrats. :)

I use primer EVERY TIME. I have Smashbox (hate the brush), Dior and Lancôme in rotation.

Full n Soft in Brown is great for the no-makeup look.

I buy travel size whenever possible.

Waterproof mascara - honestly it’s unnecessary unless you’re a swimmer or have watery eyes; the formula is dry and the polymers tend to strip lashes. You can jack up your lashes if you use it regularly.

That smug factor is par for the course in her industry, so I give a pass on that.

Are you mansplaining my illness?