I recently read Alan Cumming’s book that covered his participation with the British version of Who Do You Think You Are. During this time that the show was discovering his mother’s family, Alan was grappling with issues concerning his own paternity, and a bit worried that they’d discover that. I imagine everyone has a…

IT WORKS OUT IN THE END IF THEY'RE EACH OTHER'S LOBSTER.

this is criminal because carey mulligan is a gem and sienna miller is a nothing

Why, once I was chatting with my own dear mother - okay, complaining bitterly about this and that. I exclaimed "Why didn't you just strangle me at birth?" "Well, I always assumed that eventually somebody else would do it for me," she replied.

My parents paid for my undergrad but I’m still paying for law school. This is important context. My father is an asshole - even people who like him think he’s an asshole. One evening he called ( probably on his fourth JD) and wanted free legal advice about screwing over my mother in some aspect of their divorce. I…

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

Fairly recently me, my siblings and my parents were sitting around and in a sign of how we can now all talk like adults we were sort of telling “The most fucked up I’ve ever been” stories and my sister, who had a bit of a wild adolescence, tells a pretty horrific story. My mother, who was the least enthusiastic about…

For real. After last night, I have a renew love for Kenny.

Well, if you check, every time I do a Part 1, I do a Part 2 the following week. I could also order them in a single line of 1, 2, 3, 4 no matter which one comes which week, but it's worked out well to do it this way in the past, so I figure I'll stick with it. I've definitely published numerous worst customers ones in…

Callie is up there with Dustin Hucks for "people who made a mildly entertaining story far moreso in the retelling." I'm looking this over again, and I really should've given that story the last spot (which I usually save for what I think is the best) rather than the first (which is usually second-best). I think…

Not a food service story, but along the lines of "No, see, I went to university," and "You're pretty literate for a waitress..."

One time when I was outside of a Cheesecake Factory smoking a cigarette a man propositioned me thinking I was a hooker.

I love this quote:

Haven't even read this yet and had to pause briefly to immediately praise that wicked Wallace burn in the opening line. APPLAUSE, DAVIES.

All of Blue.

River, Carey, This Flight Tonight, A CASE OF YOU! Basically anything on Blue. And Chelsea Morning.

I kind of feel like this writer's Dirtbags are sort of judgmental all around. I'm not enjoying it... is it just me? :/

Is there even a point to that reference? Like, what part of the Beyoncé + fancy dress* + ?? equation equals Jay Z jizzing on it? Do I just not listen to enough pop music? Am I old?